It happens
by KupKakes09
Summary: She was a lonely crow eater, he was the Tacoma killer. She was in a bad situation, he made it worse but better at once. Now she's stuck and all he can say is "it happens"
1. Chapter 1

**This is a one shot that has been stirring around in my mind for a while. I'm actually terrified of writing Happy because I don't feel like I make him 'hard' enough but here's an attempt at seeing him through someone else's eyes. I might choose to continue this into a real fic later if anyone is interested, otherwise it's a one shot only. **

**I do not own SOA only my nameless OC in this one shot lol. **

His visits were sporadic. He didn't come on certain days, or certain times. He just showed up. No phone calls beforehand either. Happy Lowman made visits when he felt like it. And _only _when he felt like it. Don't bother inviting him for anything, he most likely wouldn't show up. He didn't when I invited him anyways. Then never mentioned missing anything. No, Happy did things on his own agenda.

The first time I saw him, I was scared. He looked like he wanted to snap me in two and I guess.. Maybe he really did. I backed into his bike my first night at the clubhouse. I hadn't even been introduced around to everyone yet. I didn't know whose bike it was or I wouldn't have even went inside and said anything honestly. I was hoping it was the sweet baby faced Puerto Rican's bike but no… I backed into the Devil himself.

And he was livid. Two of the other guys held him back while he yelled at me. Cursed, threw out threats. I could see why he was so angry. It looked like a nice bike. Apart from the mirrors being knocked off, and the paint gone to hell and it was a little dented…but it looked rideable to me. What did I know about bikes anyways? Not a damn thing except for when my friend Toni asked if I wanted to tag along to the Samcro clubhouse I jumped at the chance to interact with the towns bad boys.

I didn't know any of them personally. Not that first night there. I'd saw them around town before, they came into the diner I worked at often. It wasn't a glamorous job but it helped pay most of my bills. The rest either didn't get paid or I had to figure something out for. Sometimes I'd have to bartend at the Hairy Dog, or work a night at the Jellybean. Degrading work.. But it paid decently. Enough to make ends meet anyways.

Now.. I knew them all personally. Very personally. Especially Happy. I'd been scared that first night he approached me. Was he going to get revenge for his bike? No.. he just wanted what they all wanted. Sex and a lot of it. And I gave it to him. Just like the rest of them. Yes.. I lowered myself into being a crow eater in the hopes someone would take me as an Old Lady eventually. I'd heard it happened before, sometimes they got attached to you and then you were someone's just as easy as that. Be nice to them.. And they'll be nice to you.

Except for Happy of course. He wasn't nice to anyone. He would scowl and down a shot then jerk his head to his room. That was his idea of a pick up line. Now I was lucky to get any type of acknowledgement from him at all. The most interaction we had was when he'd knock, no _bang_, on my door at his odd times. Then I'd open it let him in and he'd just look at me before going about his business while I kept out of his way.

I had a feeling he would show up this time though. I just knew he'd be nearby. I heard about the warehouse that blew up, knew it was the club. They didn't tell us shit, we were just the entertainment but none of us girls were stupid. We were expected to keep our mouths closed about anything we saw inside the clubhouse and anything we heard. Take care of them, they'd take care of you. Protect you, help you out if you needed it. They'd already had to tow my piece of junk car for me twice and didn't charge me for it.

The club had been the ones that took care of my boss groping at me, threatening to fire me if I didn't work doubles without being paid for it. They handled things for us girls. Some might say we were prostituting ourselves, but not really. Not to most of us anyways. We mostly liked having somewhere to go. Somewhere to hang out and relax at. Somewhere to feel needed, wanted by people. It was our home away from home.

And I loved it there too. I liked the loud rock music they played 24/7. I liked the grins and winks I got. I even liked helping Gemma out in the kitchen when she needed it. It was our own jacked up type of family. We all helped each other out. So what if we were sexually involved with pretty much all of them? It wasn't your typical behavior but nothing about being involved with Samcro was typical or normal in any way. I smiled to myself, reliving some of the memories of things that had happened. Yeah definitely not normal behavior. Certainly not in Tig's room.

I was smoking at the kitchen table when Happy walked in, standing in the doorway. He glared over at me for a while before speaking in his diesel and gravel sounding voice. "What'd you do with the money I gave you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn't seem to understand once money exchanged hands, it wasn't his business anymore. "I paid bills. Bought some stuff we needed. What's it to you?"

He crossed the room in two strides, leaning down to glare into my eyes. "Its my business. And you didn't buy shit anyone needed."

"How would you know? You don't live here." I snapped closing the magazine from Fredrick's of Hollywood I'd been thumbing through while I did my thinking.

"You're right I don't. Maybe that would motivate you." Happy threw me a venomous look going to the front door. "Leave the door open."

Leave the door open. Those four words always pissed me off and made me feel relieved at the same time. I hated to leave my door open for him. It was like I was giving him permission to just waltz in whenever he felt like. Walk all over me. The relief came from knowing he'd be back soon. When he was gone for a long time he'd just leave without a word to me. Our exchange just now was one our longest in the past two months. He'd never been a talker. One word answers were the normal for Happy.

Normal for Happy meant short answers, Crown, gunfire, and rough animalistic sex. That man was everything you should stay away from rolled up into one man. But you couldn't help but be drawn into him. Not once he decided you were worth more than a scowl or swift push away. He'd never given me a push away, but I'd saw the other crow eaters land flat on their asses after they didn't take the hint to leave him alone. Happy was a tough one to be around if you didn't know how to handle his type. And I didn't know how to handle him in the least bit.

I was young and dumb when I went into the clubhouse. Dreams of being someone's Old Lady were gone for me now. No one would take me as an Old Lady now. Not with my past. Not with him hanging around all the time. No Son would want to deal with that mess. And no other MC would want to deal with someone connected to the Sons for like I was either. I was stuck in Charming all thanks to Happy.

I dragged on my cigarette smashing it out into the ashtray with a frown. I didn't know how this would play out for me. But I had things to do around the house before he came back. He didn't live here, but he'd be pissier than usual if he came back and it was still untidy. He didn't like messy. The last time he came he threw my dishes away that were in the sink because they'd sat there overnight. And you never left dirty dishes sit for any amount of time in his mind. Even if they weren't yours to throw out which I guess in a way they were his dishes. He'd paid for them in his own way.

I got up going to start washing the dishes, glancing out of the window into the backyard to check on things out there. It needed to be mowed. I didn't have a mower though and usually my neighbor, an elderly old man that lived with wife next door, would cut my lawn when he did his. It was sweet of him, he refused any payment for it saying "We all have to stick together around here". We did too, this neighborhood sucked even if it was in Charming the crime free town. It was still shitty.

Shitty just like I'd felt when I was told I shouldn't come back to the clubhouse for a while after the scene that had happened. Gemma had told me in the kitchen in a kind voice. She was always nice to us even when she didn't have to be. She was even nice to Wendy who we all knew was going to end up making a mess out of Jax because of her own pile of shit. I'd nodded my head, dried my hands, and left my head down. No one wanted me there now.

It was lonely without anywhere to spend my time. My only friends had really been the other crow eaters. I'd quit speaking to most of my other friend when I met Toni. I regretted it the entire time I was watching Lifetime movies with ice cream and donuts. I was an outcast without really even doing anything. I only did what had been expected of me…..

No one from the club sought me out. They would just smile when they saw me at the diner, make their orders like normal customers would. Then after a while I had to stop working there too. I couldn't be up on my feet for that long. Working from 8 to 10 was just too much for me and I was exhausted from trying to do it. I needed the money, I had a lot of stuff to pay for on my own. Too much to pay for. My parents couldn't help me out, they lived off of their Social Security and retirement funds. It was all up to me.

I paused in my hurry to wash the dishes and smiled, remembering that day. It was a good memory even though it was sad too in a way. I knew we had a chance when he showed up unannounced and unexpected. I didn't even know who'd told him where I was at until Wendy came to see me. She'd mentioned wanting to visit to Jax who then made the call blabbing the news all over Samcro. Wendy was the closest thing to a friend I had now. And she was in between being sober and being a junkie most of the time.

I hadn't expected anyone but my parents or Wendy to be coming. Not that I could have gotten up and fixed myself or something. I was sore and tired. I could barely walk myself into the bathroom. My mom was supposed to go home with me to help me out for a few days. I knew it'd be tough.. But this was awful. Pure agony for hours. I could still remember laying in the hospital bed, pale faced and sipping on the apple juice the nurse insisted I drink, when the door opened without a knock.

Happy came in like he was supposed to be there. In a perfect world, yeah he was. But this was Happy. He didn't make hospital visits. He stood a few feet away from me, observing me in silence until I moved to put the empty cup on my tray. Then he reached over and took it from me, doing it for me. "Where is it?"

"'IT' has a name." I sighed hoping this wasn't about to be another scene. "Hailee is in the nursery right now, getting a bath."

Happy nodded, keeping his face a stone mask. "Kid's okay then?"

"She's perfect." I was watching him for any type of a reaction. "Not that it should matter to you."

"Maybe it does." Happy snapped, dark eyes flashing at me with anger.

I stared back into those eyes, waiting for more from him then realized he wasn't going to say anything else. "Go away Happy. We don't need anything from you."

I was too tired to deal with him. I was exhausted and ready to sleep while the nurses had the baby in the nursery. I didn't want to argue with him again. I'd already heard everything he had to say about having a baby. About me keeping it. I couldn't even wrap my tired mind around the face that he was still standing in my room, glaring at me.

"I don't do happy families girl. I'll see you." He finally said leaving the room just as empty as it had been before he'd came into it.

_I don't do happy families girl. _Those were the same words he flung at me when I told him the news. Then he'd threw a wad of cash at me saying _"Get rid of it." _ Like I could do that. I didn't want to do that… I wanted my baby. I didn't have a clue how I'd take care of us, but I'd figure it out. I'd make it work. I couldn't have an abortion. That wasn't something I did. I took care of my problems head on, not kill them off. I wasn't weak like that.

And as tough as Happy Lowman tried to be… he really wasn't. Or he would have never cracked.


	2. Rock and a hard place

**I really didn't plan on posting anymore on this, but people seemed to like so here goes another glimpse at them. I'm still iffy on my version of Happy. I feel like he needs some sprucing up. But enjoy **

**Thanks for the reviews and follows/favorites for the last chapter! They were truly unexpected and I really do appreciate them. **

**I do not own SOA**

**Also this storyline is coming from a mini fic I had done with Jessica1018 that was for our personal entertainment of SOA, so I feel like she does deserve credits here as well for her input and thoughts on things. She is a major help to me in my writing. **

Chapter Two- Rock and a hard place

There was definitely no love lost between the two of us. What happened, happened. It was what it was. There was no tale of some love filled affair. Nope… it was all about the lust with us. Happy was a horny biker that fucked his way through women. I just happened to be one of them. The one that he chose to forget a condom with. And birth control just wasn't in my budget as stupid as that sounded. The old saying is if you can't afford birth control, you can't afford a kid. Truth was… I couldn't afford Hailee.

I peeked into Hailee's room checking to make sure she was sleeping. She'd went to sleep early tonight, she had a cold she couldn't seem to shake. I hated it when she got sick. It scared me. It always reminded me of when it'd gotten bad…. I pushed that thought out of my mind. No I couldn't bring that one back up. Not tonight. Not with him coming again. I hated it when he decided he was sleeping over. It was like waking up in prison while you were in your own home or something.

I padded barefoot back into the small living room. The old console TV was on low, with an old rerun of Sex and the City playing. Out of all the things those women had, they bitched about men. Seriously? You didn't see Charlotte trying to figure the bills. Or Carrie trying to decide if she could even afford shoes much less Jimmy Choo's that I'd never even come close to touching in this lifetime. No, shows like that irritated me. Everything irritated me more and more each day. I grabbed my cheap cigarettes from the kitchen counter; I didn't have two separate rooms. The apartment all led into the same areas without walls except for the two small bedrooms and the even tinier bathroom.

It wasn't much of a place but it was what I had. It was one of five small apartment sized homes for income based families. I'd just barely gotten in with some help from one of my mom's friends. I didn't make bank at the diner, but it was still at their income limits. I made it by with $3 to spare a month from their budget papers. It was a step up from where I'd been living at before… before it was even worse than this place was. But that was before Happy came nosing around. I stared off at the off white wall, remembering again….

Hailee was 6 months and I was struggling. I couldn't afford anything anymore. I had to pick and choose which bills to pay. Did we need electricity more than I needed to pay the gas? Or water instead of the phone bill? Rent was the hardest to pay. That almost always took two of my meager checks to pay. My hours were cut back ever since I took off when I had Hailee. I had food stamps as long as I could budget them out just right… but that didn't pay for diapers. Or wipes, lotion, and clothes. I couldn't even pick up a shift at the Jellybean anymore. I was too fat to strip even for their standards right after I had her.

It took some convincing but I talked Wendy into seeing if I could hang around the clubhouse again. I hadn't been back for over a year now. Not since the ugly scene Happy had made. He wasn't even a member of Samcro, he was Samtac. But he was a favorite of theirs so out of respect, I'd been asked to step away. I couldn't have hung out there anyways while I was pregnant. Who wanted to sleep with a pregnant crow eater right?

Clay relented when Wendy approached him about letting me come bartend for one of their bigger parties. She promised her father in law that she'd keep an eye on me which was funny since she couldn't even keep a cactus alive at that point. It worked, I was in to make a few bucks. The guys were all the same for the most part, some remembered me, some didn't. The ones that did didn't ask what I knew they were dying to. Respect for Happy kept them from bringing it up. I figured some sort of gag order had been on the situation from the man himself.

I made decent money that night and kept my nose clear of trouble. No one approached me about going back to the rooms with them. No one even winked at me suggestively. I'd been secretly hoping that someone, some poor guy, would try. I hadn't been with anyone since Happy knocked me up and I was getting lonely. My customers at the diner hit on me some but it never amounted to much. Nope, the clubhouse was my last shot at grabbing a man for the night and I couldn't even pull that off. I'd dressed slutty enough to grab attention, put on enough make up, and still…nothing.

Defeated, I pocketed the few tips the guys had thrown at me along with the money Gemma handed me in an envelope from the club and headed out once everyone was starting to pass out on the pool tables. It was mid morning and I was tired. I had to be at my parents at the crack of dawn to get Hailee back. The money I made tonight wasn't much, but it was more than I would have made sitting at home watching reruns. I went to my old beater to climb in when I spotted a crow eater I didn't know leaving with Juice. _Lucky girl _I thought to myself bitterly. All I had left to show from my days was a baby and stretch marks.

The apartment was shitty. It was a one bedroom place with a moldy bathroom and carpet that looked older than I was. It was cheap and what was in my price range with all of the other added expenses I'd taken on. I kept it clean and tidy even though its appearance screamed anything but at first glance. It was just so overcrowded with my stuff piled into corners along with Hailee's now. I'd bought everything second hand or someone had given it to me. Used clothes, used swing, used crib…. We shared the one room together with her crib on one wall and my bed pushed to the other.

Why didn't I go after Happy for child support? Wendy asked, my mom asked… I didn't go after Happy for anything because he'd told me point blank he didn't want a kid. To get rid of it. Why make him pay for a baby he never wanted? I was the one that wanted to keep her, so the burden was on me. And it was a huge burden. I had my back against a rock and a hard place. I was days away from having the electric shut off, and two days from my rent day. And don't forget only having half a pack of diapers. I'd figure it out….

Hailee was sick when I picked her up from my parents place. She had a little cold that I stopped at the pharmacy and bought some over the counter medicine for. I couldn't take her to the pediatrician unless it was absolutely necessary. I didn't get state medical because I didn't comply with their child support rules. I didn't name Happy on any of their documents. I tried the cough syrup for a few days until her fever spiked up so high I was scared. I finally had to crack and take her to the ER at St. Thomas. Bronchial pneumonia. They were going to keep her for a hospital stay, I couldn't pay for her. I couldn't pay for the prescriptions they sent home either.

The door opened to the apartment suddenly with a loud squawk. Happy slipped in quietly, dark eyes falling on me sitting on the one couch in the living room area. He just looked at me on his way to Hailee's room to peek in at her before he came back. "You give her a treatment?"

"Yes I gave her a treatment." I sighed already hostile towards him. "And her dinner, and I even gave her a bath too."

"Bitch."

"Asshole."

No there was definitely no love lost between us. I glared right back at him even after he plopped down on the opposite end of the couch. "So what? You're dropping in for a night then taking off again?"

Happy gave me a look grabbing the TV remote from between us. "What's it to you Pamela?"

"You get her all upset when you do this." I pointed out. The older Hailee got, the more attached she was starting to become to 'Uncle Happy'. She didn't call him Dad. He hadn't been big on her calling him that.

"She's fine." Came the short reply I'd already expected out of him. He was such a jackass.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, suddenly aware of being on the couch beside him in my ratty pajamas. What the hell did I care? It was Happy for crying out loud. "Why'd you come?"

"Felt like it."

The attitudes between us were tense. I forced myself to watch the boring action movie he settled on for a while before saying. "I'm going to bed. Make yourself at home like you already have."

"I pay for it don't I?" Happy snapped back right on cue. "I sleep in shit hole clubhouses to make sure you have what you need for the kid."

And that was what he always threw up in my face when he was in a really bad mood. The fact that he paid my rent and still sent extra money on top of that. It was like in his mind, money equaled him being a decent parent. No, Happy had a long way to go before he could even be classified as a decent parent. I paused in the hallway opening, throwing him a look. "And I'm just _so_ grateful for everything you've done for me."

I turned and stalked off to my room pushing the door shut behind me. He always slept on the couch. We didn't share a bed or anything else in that general area. No, we would never be on that level again of being able to have a random lust filled tryst and go back to not giving a damn. Now it would mean something if either of us made that move. I didn't want to make the move anyways. I'd have enough of Happy to last me forever. Which was good since he saw it as his duty to scare off any potential lovers I found. No men in the house he paid for. No men around his daughter. And if I left Hailee with my parents to go out, I was a slut. I got to be a nun while he screwed everything with two sets of lips.

I regretted it some days, having to do what I did to survive. I hated having to break down and ask him for help two years ago. It made me feel like a piece of shit mother. I couldn't even take care of my own baby. I couldn't buy the things she needed. I couldn't even pay for damn rent back then. Shit I couldn't pay it now on my own either. I resented that I needed his help. I would never forget the way he'd belittled me that first time he approached me. Happy was…. An asshole. An asshole I couldn't get away from if I tried.

I crawled into my bed after I flipped the lamp off, I could hear him channel surfing. Any minute now he'd get up and go to the fridge. I knew his routine like clockwork when he was here. He'd stay up most of the night until he fell asleep on the couch. Then he'd get up at 7 with Hailee before he left around 10. Somewhere in between he might use my shower. Then bitch about me not using bleach on it. He could drive someone crazy by being in their house for 10 hours.

The first time he'd came to where I lived, I hadn't been expecting it. I'd been alone at the rickety kitchen table sipping on a cup of weak tea. He banged on the door loud enough to wake the dead even after I yelled I was coming. I would have expected anyone but Happy to be standing there staring back at me when I swung the door open after unlatching all three locks and chains. I stared at him in shock "How'd you find out where I lived?"

He pushed past me to get inside, walking around like a caged animal would. I saw his eyes going over the details of the place. How cramped it was, the shirts that were hanging from the ceiling fan to dry, the way I'd foiled the windows to keep it cool without using the AC. I felt… caught off guard. I wasn't exactly embarrassed of where I lived but I didn't want anyone to see it either. I didn't want anyone to know just how bad things had gotten for me. I was hand washing our clothes in the sink to save the $1.25 a load to wash and dry them. Top Ramen had become my daily meal. Twice some days.

"You alone?" Happy asked ignoring my question while he prowled some more.

"Yes. Hailee… she's with my parents, gone to the zoo." I shut the door realizing he intended to stay and talk to me.

"Good." He kicked a chair out from under the table, inviting himself to sit down before lighting a cigarette.

I watched him while crossing my arms over my chest. "Look if this is about the letter I'm sure you got…"

"So you turned me in." Happy said in such a calm voice it kind of scared me. I backed away instinctively, eyeing him for any sudden movements.

"I didn't want to Happy.. I.."

He cut me off with a harsher tone of voice this time. "You turned me in for back child support for a kid that I don't even think is mine."

I was starting to shake a little bit now. Those inky eyes were on me, reminding me of a predator about to strike its prey. "Hailee is yours Happy. I told you she was when I … when …"

"When I gave you money for the abortion."

I pressed myself even closer to the wall if that were possible. I didn't like the way this was going at all. "I needed the health insurance. I had to tell them… you don't understand…"

"I understand. I understand that you told me 6 months ago to leave the hospital. That was your way of telling me you didn't need my help. Then you pull this bullshit? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Happy rasped angrily. He was still sitting which I took as a good sign. "You petition me for a god damn court ordered DNA test? To get child support outta me?"

"I had to tell them something…." I tried again and failed. Happy's anger was becoming more and more visible at this point. "If she's not yours then what's got you so pissed?"

Big mistake. Don't talk back to Happy when he's pissed. The cup flew by my head making me jump with a little scream. I lunged to get past where he was sitting but he was fast. He grabbed my arm forcing me to look at him.

"This ain't how I do shit. Court and DHS. You needed to talk, you should have got up with me. Not went behind my fuckin back like a scared bitch."

He let go without doing any real damage besides shaking me enough to terrify me. He walked to the door, pausing. "I guess we'll see just how this plays out in a couple of weeks Pamela."

I didn't speak to him… I just watched him leave. Maybe I had made a big mistake. But I needed to do what I could to get myself out of this hole I was in.

I heard him up and moving around just like I knew he would. Fridge door opened up, I could hear him rifling around…cling of a beer… the beer that was kept inside mainly for him. I didn't drink unless Hailee was at my parents. I wasn't a total screw up mom. It sounded like he was making something to eat now…. I sighed knowing already he'd bitch about something in the morning that I didn't do. Happy was full of complaints of things I didn't do or didn't do right when I did do them. He had the criticizing part of being a parent down pat already.

Compliments weren't something I ever really heard him say. Well that one time he told me my tits looked good in a shirt I was wearing out on a very rare date. That was as close as it got to anything nice coming out of that mouth. He did have a nice side though, I had to admit. It was with Hailee that he softened a teeny tiny bit. And only when he thought I wasn't listening or couldn't see him. He let the little girl crawl all over him, hug him, kiss him, and bring him her copy of 'Anderson Fairytales' to read to her if he was here when she went to bed.

It took him a while at first before he'd let himself connect with her. He'd watch her with his eagle eyes while she toddled around the tiny apartment in his stony silence. She stared right back at this strange man that started showing up to see her. She had inherited his tolerance of strangers…. She didn't tolerate them. The little girl was a lot like him in her own ways scarily enough. She didn't talk much in public, she had an awful temper, and she would get silent just before pitching her fit.

Hailee had Happy's dark hair, and a decently tan complexion with those piercing eyes. She didn't get any of her looks from me. I was a 5'5 blonde, a little on the skinny side from not eating right for a while, and green eyes. As much as he wanted to deny she was his… one look at her told him what the paper he'd been holding already said. I shut my eyes, thinking back on that again.

That day Happy had banged on my door in the middle of the afternoon again. I knew it was him just from the knock. Wendy usually gave three quick light ones and she was the only one that came by besides my mother. I opened up the door slowly, waiting for him to yell… hit me.. Something besides glare. "Back again so soon?"

Happy was holding the DHS letter, the same one I got, in his hand in a crumpled up ball that he threw at me. "Thought you were dropping this shit."

"I told you.. I can't. I need.. ." I stepped back letting him come inside the cramped apartment. "I'm not asking you for anything."

"You already did."

"Not really, no. They just needed to establish paternity."

"Then why didn't you contact me on your own? For whatever it is you 'need'?" Happy sneered clearly not happy with what the DNA test had determined.

I gave him as mean of a look as I could muster up in my scared state. I didn't trust him. "You wouldn't have talked to me and you know it."

He rolled his eyes starting his little pacing act up again, I noticed then that he wasn't a cut this time. "I would have told you, you should have gotten the fuckin abortion if you couldn't take care of the brat on your own."

"You know what? Don't worry about paying the damn child support. I'll lie and tell them we worked something out off the books." I walked back to the door, hand on the knob. "I think you should leave."

Happy didn't move for the door, he was walking around the apartment checking it out again. "This place is shit hole."

"Get out Happy. This place might be a shit hole, but its my shit hole." I snapped getting pissed off he'd even say that to me.

"Where's the kid at?" He asked realizing we were alone, he looked around again before turning those hard eyes on me.

"My mom's. I have to be at work soon." I tapped my foot impatiently.

"What do you want from me?"

That threw me off all over again. I must have been gawking at him like an idiot because he crossed his arms over his chest with a look. "Nothing."

"Let's get one thing clear here…. I don't do happy families girl. I ain't that kinda guy."

I came to my senses with a smirk at him. "You think I wanted child support because I had some infatuation with you? Don't flatter yourself Happy."

Happy shrugged like it was just an idea. "You've been on your own this long. What the fuck you need from me? I ain't interested in a kid. Or you. Way I see it, you're the one that kept it. You're the one that needs to deal with it."

"And you're the one that climbed on top of me and knocked me up!" I was at my boiling point with him. He was acting like I'd gotten myself pregnant. "You came to the hospital after I had her. You knew she was yours. You had the chance to do something. And you didn't do shit. You…." I stopped to take a deep shaky breath to calm myself before this got any worse.

"And you're the bitch that obviously didn't get rid of it after I knocked you up. You're the dumb ass that kept her. I ain't father material girl."

"Why are you here Happy?" I asked him quietly just like I had that day at the hospital. "Why'd you even come if you're not interested?"

"Curious. Wanted to see what would make a bitch desperate enough to go after me."

I knew it had to be more than that. Curiosity wouldn't drag Happy down to Charming from Tacoma for this. Just to pick an argument with me. "Well thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to fuck my day up."

Happy smirked at me in a way that made me want to pop it off his face, not that I would try. I didn't have a death wish and this man could snap me in two. "Why'd you wait so long?"

"I swore I'd never ask you for a dime. Like you said, I chose to keep her. Not you. Why should you have to do anything for her? We were fine….until she got sick." I was talking in a quieter voice now. The fight in me was pretty much gone. I couldn't argue with Happy anymore.

"What do you mean '_were_' fine?"

"My hours got cut at work. I missed a week when she was in the hospital. Our water got shut off. I can't even afford to go buy diapers right now. Or more baby food. That's why she's at my parents right now. I can't.. do this anymore. I tried." I was whispering with my eyes focused low on the floor. I could hear my pride cracking with every word I spoke. I hated myself for admitting this to him. "I can't pay for her medicine. She needs breathing treatments, plus other things… I just can't do it anymore on my own." I wanted to cry but I wouldn't. Not in front of him. That would annoy him even more and make this worse.

He sat down on the lumpy couch with a scowl, reaching for his cigarettes. "So.. You're basically telling me that you can't feed…clothe… and shelter the kid without my help?" He lit up with a singeing sound.

I felt those tears rush forward before I could stop them. It sounded even worse to hear someone else say the truth. "I'm a bad mother, I know. You don't have to rub it in." I wiped underneath my eyes with my palms.

"Wasn't rubbin shit in. Just stating the facts." Happy dropped his cigarette butt into the can with a little sizzle. "I don't like kids. There's another one for you."

"I never said you had to meet her. I just… forget Happy. I'll tell them we worked it out off the record." I held a hand over my eyes trying to hide my emotions. "

Happy sighed loudly, the sound of it startled me enough that I peeked at him through my fingers. "You done bein a drama queen yet?"

I sniffed a little, wiping at my eyes again. "That depends… are you done being a dick yet?"

His eyes snapped to me, almost like he wanted to reach out and pop me but didn't. "What are you expecting here? I don't do happy fuckin families. I ain't father material babe."

"I just need… help." I almost broke down at admitting it yet again. "I need… money."

Happy nodded like he'd been waiting to hear the word 'money'. His face was unreadable to me, it was like a blank mask as he looked around my apartment again. "You good for tonight? Got shit to eat and all?"

Luckily I was still living off of food stamps from two weeks ago. I nodded using my sleeve to dry my eyes off. "Yeah. We're okay for tonight. I get some food stamps, they help."

"I'll be back tomorrow. Will she be around?"

"No. I'll drop her again. I don't think she should… see you just yet." I tried to say it as gently as I could. Happy would terrify any small child especially a 8 month old baby. "We can finish this today."

He didn't even give me a reply, he just got up and strode out of my apartment without a second glance.

It was late in mommy time when I woke up the next morning. Past 11. I sat up quickly, panicking. Hailee's crying or jibberish almost always woke me up. Why hadn't it today? I hurried out of my room at record pace, realization sinking in when I saw Happy sitting at the kitchen table with Hailee beside him coloring. She'd be 3 soon but she was big for her age already. She gave me a bright smile that I returned when she spotted me. Happy… glared. "You should have woke me up." I told him in the tone I reserved just for him.

"Should have done more than that." He rasped in true Happy fashion. "I already fed her."

"Diaper?" I raised an eyebrow knowing that was one task Happy avoided at all costs if he could help it.

"Done. I know what I'm doing bi…" He stopped himself just in time. "I got this."

That was his way of saying go away until I'm ready to leave. I'd been through this with him a few times. He was here to see Hailee and Hailee only. He didn't want to mingle with me anymore than he had to. I threw the look back at him, knowing full well what he'd been about to call me if she hadn't been in the room. "Sure you do. The Tacoma Killer is an excellent caregiver isn't he?"

"You'll find out about that nickname if you don't get out of my face."

His threat was just that… a threat. He never actually did anything but run his mouth. Yell a little bit. He threw some shit once or twice. He wasn't a woman beater.. Well not me anyways. I had a tiny smidge of respect as his 'baby mama' as Tig referred to me. He didn't have to like me, but he had to have me in good condition to take care of Hailee. I was reminded too many times that that was all this was…. An awkward situation we couldn't get out of.

I'd never get to be anyone's Old Lady. He'd never take one for himself. He wasn't a family man. I was dying to have someone. Happy didn't keep women around beyond one night at a time. I wanted someone every night. He couldn't talk to me without snapping. I couldn't look at him without glaring. Because we just couldn't get along beyond the care of the dark haired, dark eyed little mini me sitting next to him coloring flowers while he sketched tattos.

Stuck with being Happy's leftovers for the rest of my life didn't set well with me. Not one bit.


	3. Gotta give it up

**I am so overwhelmed by the interest in this fic! The traffic stats are completely flooring me when I check them. This gets way more hits than my Juice fic does and its waaay longer. Thank you all so much for the follows, favorites, and reviews. They're the only reason I'm continuing it from the original one shot I'd planned. **

**The rating will be changing in a coupe of hours for this story. I didn't do it just yet because I wanted to make sure you all saw the update and knew from now on to look under 'M' for the story. The lemon in this isn't raunchy by any means, but I do want to comply with the guidelines. **

**Jessica, thank you for your input on this chapter. It helps a lot. Here's some Happy love for ya… **

Chapter 3 Gotta give it up

I could remember every detail of having sex with Happy every time we'd ever done it. I could still remember the smell of cigarettes, whiskey, and a hint of cologne. I could still remember how rough his hands felt on my skin. The tough, hard, calloused hands that were also strong. I could remember the way he would growl almost when he came. And I could still remember what that tattoo covered torso looked like. I could remember almost every tattoo on it. Mainly because I could see it right now in my bathroom mirror from the spot I was laying on my bed while he shaved.

I was peeking out at him from underneath my pile of blankets, I'd die if he knew I was watching him. Happy was old. Way older than I was. But he still had a pretty hot body for his age. I was figuring him to be around 45 which put him roughly…. 17 years my senior. Geez. I watched him shift leaning over to wipe the shaving cream off and ducked my face back under the blankets. Was I seriously checking out Happy? The devil that ruined my entire week by deciding to pop in on me? Ughh. Now I felt sick.

Hailee would be up soon, ready for her cereal and juice. Then he'd leave. Maybe. His last visit he was here for two long, agonizing days that resulted in three arguments and one screaming match. I hoped he'd leave. I had a potential date tonight. Tim, a guy that frequented the diner, had asked me out every day for the past week until I finally said yes. He said he'd call today with the details and I had to admit… I was excited as hell about it. I hadn't been out in forever. Not unless you counted going for burgers with Wendy as going out somewhere.

I heard the familiar little yawn and smiled to myself, kicking the blankets back to go grab her from her bed. I'd made it to my bedroom door when Happy stepped out of the bathroom making it to her first. The look he gave me could cut through steel without a problem. He wasn't a morning person. I heard Hailee giggling as soon as he made it to her. "Mornin kid." He greeted her.

She giggled again, already climbing into his lap saying " 'appy is here!" and wrapping her arms around him.

It was almost cute to see them interact together. Well it would be cute if he didn't cut his eyes back at me as if to say "What do you want?" I gave Hailee a little wave got me a "Mama!" and another look from Happy. He didn't like having his parental time interrupted. Not even for me. If he was here, he was here and he was handling her. I grabbed a diaper from the pack and tossed it at him. "I'll go get her breakfast."

Hailee was adorable. All parents say that about their kids, but she really was adorable. She'd be 3 in just a month now but she was still every bit my baby. She was dressed by the time Happy brought her out from her room, giggling when he tickled her sides. It was ironic to see him act like that with her sometimes… at first.. He hadn't even wanted to hold her. That was one of the most bittersweet memories I had of her as a baby, passing her over to Happy's arms….

It was a couple of weeks after our second encounter of him dropping by when Happy decided he wanted to see her up close. We hadn't even discussed visitation. I didn't really think he'd want any overnight stays and I didn't think I could let him take her anyways. Being a parent through blood is completely different than being a parent through your actions. He'd asked nonchalantly "Think I could see her?" and I nodded slowly. What as I going to say? No?

"Maybe… meet me back here around 8. I have to work until 7:30." I ran through my schedule in my mind.

He nodded like he'd been expecting a delay when he stopped by. "Later then."

That was as close to a goodbye as he'd ever gave me before. "Later." I echoed after him being going back inside to get ready for work.

I went through my shift easily enough, it wasn't a hard job. I took orders and picked up dirty dishes. Nothin hard at all about it, it was just getting the hours that was hard. I'd been cut down to a measly 18 hours a week ever since the hospital stay. Happy hadn't given me anything yet… I was starting to lose hope that he would. He wasn't the type you just came out and asked point blank if he was planning on it either. That would make him snap.

Right on the dot I drove over to my mom's place to pick up Hailee in my old beater. It wasn't the nicest car in the world but it ran and wasn't rusting. It just had extremely faded paint and screeched some. It'd have to work for now. I couldn't afford a new one and if this one broke down… I was screwed. I let myself in my parents place, spotting Hailee instantly on a blanket in the floor crawling around. She'd started crawling a month earlier than she was supposed to. "Hey baby." I cooed to her picking her up. I gave her downy soft curls a gentle stroke with my hand. "Thanks Mom.. I really appreciate this."

Mom gave me a smile already getting up to pick up the toys I'd sent over in the diaper bag. "You know I don't mind. That's what grandmas are for. Aren't they sugar?" she tickled at Hailee's cheeks making her smile and gabble at us. "I saved you some dinner too."

She was always doing things like that. Saving me a plate, picking Hailee up even when I didn't have to work. She was one of those women that really loved being a grandma. I didn't know what I'd do without her or my dad anymore. I'd really be in a bad bind without them watching Hailee while I worked. I didn't have anyone else I could trust her with. Wendy had offered but I was leery on leaving her with her alone. Wendy was clean for now, but that didn't mean she'd stay that way.

I went home knowing I needed to rush to make it there before Happy did. He was sitting on his bike in front of my apartment building when I pulled in. I didn't have him pegged as the punctual type. I got the carseat carrier from the backseat forcing myself to give him a small smile when I walked past him to get inside. I had a blanket draped over the top of the seat, covering her from the night air, so he couldn't peek at her if he wanted to. "Sorry I'm late."

"Yeah sure." Came his reply. He was standing patiently behind me while I unlocked the door to my tiny space.

I'd done my best to pick it up before I left for work but once again… I was uncomfortable with him being in my home. I knew he saw it in a different way than I did. I sat the carrier down and started unbuckling Hailee, glad I'd dressed her in one of her cuter outfits. I could feel his eyes watching me lift her out of the seat. "This is Hailee." I held the little body close to let him look her over.

Happy's expression didn't change. His mouth stayed in the same tight line, jaw still just as stiff. His eyes flickered for a brief moment that I wouldn't have caught if I hadn't been paying close attention. His posture changed though, he shifted his weight form one foot to the other before asking me in his quiet rasp "Hand her over."

I didn't know if Hailee would allow that. She didn't take too kindly to strangers and she was staring at this dark man with wide little eyes that looked exactly like his. I bit my bottom lip wondering if he'd even held a baby before. "You sure?"

"Give me the kid."

Reluctantly, I shifted Hailee over to Happy's arms. He looked awkward at first but then started to walk around looking down at her with his back towards me. He was shutting me out of whatever he was feeling right now. I grabbed the diaper bag up emptying the bottles out to wash them later. He was saying something to the baby that was making her giggle. As much as I wanted to go over to them, I didn't. Something told me to give him his space right now and ignore my protective mother bear instinct to snatch my baby back from her big, scary, biker father.

Happy strode back towards me, I was sitting at the rickety table now, and dropped a thick brown envelope on the table from his cut. Hailee was smiling up at him, he had shifted her around so she was held tummy against his chest in one arm. "We do this my way and my way only." He started giving me a look that told me to shut up and listen to him.

"You drop the DHS shit. Tell them we worked this out between us. You need something for the kid, you ask me. Something happens to the kid, you call me. You turn out to be a piece of shit mother, you have to deal with me. You take care of her, or your mother. No one else. Other people don't' raise our kids. Its lazy." He bounced her up slightly, watching me for any sign of a retort. "You spend my money on dope or booze and we're gonna have a problem. I ain't rich and I work my ass off for that cash in that envelope."

I started to speak but he shook his head quickly silencing me. "You and me…. That ain't gonna happen. Not interested in a damn thing except her. You do what you want, away from her. No other man is gonna raise my daughter. You got that?"

I frowned at him, not liking this little riot act I was being read. "Happy, if I want to date or get married…. that's not your business."

"It is now. You keep 'em away from her. I won't be bringin any bitches around." He shrugged like it was no big deal. We both knew it wasn't like he'd ever have an actual girlfriend either, that's why this was so easy for him to say. "You need something and I ain't around, you call Samcro. They'll take care of it. I ain't comin back from Tacoma. I'll be around when I'm around."

That was a relief. I'd been worried he'd be requesting a transfer back to Charming and then I'd have to deal with joint custody or some bullshit. I did hate in a way that Hailee wouldn't have her dad around. "You can't take her overnight." I finally said getting a word in again.

"Don't want to take her overnight. I ain't doin diapers and bottles and shit." Happy shrugged like he'd never even considered that. "But I see her when I'm here. You don't get to tell me no. Understand?"

I hated this. I was starting to hate him even more than I already had. I felt like a beggar, or something agreeing to his little rules just to get my hands on his money. Was I really this desperate for cash that I'd make a deal with the devil himself right now? The answer was yes.. Yes I was desperate for that envelope of money. I'd promised myself I would do whatever I needed to survive and take care of my daughter and complying with Happy was one of the things I had to do. I hated it. I hated the way I felt right now, asking for his help. I hated the patronizing way he was speaking to me.

"So you just waltz into town and I just drop what I'm doing to let you see Hailee?"

"Got a problem with that Pam?" He said in such a cold voice I expected to see icicles hanging from his chin.

"Maybe I do."

Happy's lips twisted up into a smile. It was eerily calm. "Then I guess that fuckin blows for you doesn't it? My kid, my money, my rules. I'm not the one asking for help now am I?"

"You…jackass." I threw out before I could stop myself. "You think I like having to lower myself into asking you for money?"

"No but I think you knew all you had to do was ask." He threw right back doing another little walk around with the baby in his arms. "Another thing… I ask you something.. You tell me the truth. I ask where the money went, you better have an explanation."

I glared at him, the rage swelling in my chest that I was building up from this conversation. Happy just kept that same little smile… no it looked more like a sneer by now. "And get your shit packed up by the 16th. You're moving."

"I can't afford to move I-"

"You're getting subsidized housing. You have to fill out some papers, you ain't stayin here." He paused in his pacing. "My kid needs something better than this. You're getting a two bedroom one bath on Weathersby. I pay the rent over the phone. You need to make some shit happen now."

Make some shit happen. To please him. I was getting screwed out of being an Old Lady for someone else because I had to be Happy's bitch from now on…

I was the master of multitasking. Right now I was watching Hailee eat a happy meal while I curled my hair and kept running to check my phone for messages. Tim had called and told me he'd be by about 8 for me. Wendy was going to watch Hailee over her and Jax's place for me since my mom had already babysat once today for me. I didn't want to bog her down with childcare just so I could get a night out.

I was excited. I hadn't had an excuse to look good in forever. I wore make up to work but that was different. I didn't get to give myself smoky eyes and bright red lipstick and wear a short skirt with a lacy top to the diner. Or my boots. I felt like a teenager going on their first date or something. I twisted the iron around the ends of my hair tightly, almost finished. I had the typical California bleach blonde locks and green eyes, my tan wasn't there though. I didn't have time or money to go to a tanning bed now days.

"Mama? Can I have the cookies now?" Hailee asked coming into the bathroom behind me with the little plastic baggy of cookies.

"Sure you can." I undid the curling iron from my lock of hair, looking at it approvingly before I took the pack of cookies and opened them for her. "After that, get your jammies on okay?"

"Okay" She took off back down the hallway to sit back in front the TV that Happy had insisted I needed cable on. Apparently he needed it for his visits, and told me it was un-fucking-American not to have cartoons for Hailee. I didn't care, he was the one stuck with that bill too.

I heard my phone ringing and ran to grab it from my bed. Wendy. I felt my heart sinking into my stomach before I even answered it. "Hey girl."

"Hey… I can't get Hailee tonight. Jax just got here, he's all beat up. I need to get him patched up and shit." Wendy sighed into my ear.

"Oh.. Okay.. Sure… no problem then. Next time." I forced myself to sound cheery.

"I'm so sorry Pam."

"No its fine. I understand… Jax is first."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Later" I sighed tossing the phone back down. Now what did I do? I didn't have anyone else except for my mom to call and ask to watch her. And after making that call, I was turned down. Her and my dad were on their way out to see a movie together. I sent Tim a text telling him I was hunting for a sitter, just so he wouldn't head over and get disappointed. I was sure as hell disappointed. I was dressed up and hot with nowhere to go. It was one of those times motherhood really made me want to throw my hands up and cry. I wasn't going anywhere tonight. Who was I kidding?

Tim messaged back saying to let him know if I changed my mind, he'd be at the bar we'd planned on going to. I stayed in my out clothes for two more hours, even after putting Hailee to bed. It was getting late. I was stuck at home for the night. I knew better than to complain or pity myself much. I was a mom first. I didn't get to go out and party anymore. I had a little girl that needed me more than I needed to go out and get laid which I had really really been looking forward to. That hadn't happened in forever.

The door opened to my place, making me look up from my little pity party. Happy came in wearing his black hoodie and clear riding goggles that made him looked bug eyed. He tossed his saddlebag down on the floor by the door, showing me he was planning on sleeping on the couch again. "The fuck you dressed like that for?" He asked with a look I couldn't follow.

"I had a date." I sighed stretching my legs out to prop my feet up on the coffee table. "But Wendy cancelled on me, and my moms busy. I don't have a sitter."

The wheels turned in my head then, seeing him moving around the kitchen to get a fork for whatever he had in his plastic baggy. Happy was here. Happy could watch Hailee. He'd watched her on his own plenty of times, and she was even asleep already for him. I stood up quickly rushing over to him. "Do you think… you.. Could.. Stay here with her?"

Happy narrowed his eyes at me. "Where you goin?"

"None of your business." I snapped putting my hands on my hips. "You can handle her for a few hours can't you? She's asleep… and I already gave her a treatment." One thing Happy didn't do… was breathing treatments. "And she's been doing really good with the potty training today."

"Who ya goin with?"

I was sick of his little games. Him always wanting to know every move I made while he moved around town freely. "None of your damn business. I want to go out. Isn't that enough information?"

"Bar will be closed soon. Its late." Happy smirked at me, leaning against the kitchen sink beside the place he'd been prepping his food. "Might as well stay in."

"I'm not going to the bar." I told him in an angry tone, not sure if we were about to have another one of our famous yelling matches that we did in hushed voices so we didn't wake Hailee. "I'm going to see a friend."

"What friend?"

I had a feeling he was doing this just to piss me off now. I refused to play along. "Dammit Happy, I deserve to get out of the house beyond going to work you know! You go out every night! You get drunk and fuck around! Maybe I want to get drunk and fuck around this time!"

The little grin that formed on his face at my outburst pissed me off even more with him. "I haven't went anywhere in months! Months! I haven't had a date since you scared off the last guy, I want to go out. I want to have a few drinks, and get laid. Would it kill you to do something nice for me?"

"Why should I care if you get fucked?"

"You are such an asshole. You probably fucked 3 crow eaters before you came over here to eat and go to sleep. And you can't even watch your own kid for me to go out for one night! I never leave this damn house! I'm ready to go somewhere and I'm wasting time arguing with you that I could be out… out… looking for someone!" I stomped my foot like a child at the end of my latest rant. This was getting ugly quick.

Happy drew himself up to his full height, he towered above me now with a look that told me he didn't appreciate being yelled at by a woman. "This is all about you getting fucked huh?"

"Yes. It is!"

"You want to go look for dick that bad you'd ask me to watch the kid huh?" It was like he was mocking me or something.

"Shut up. I'm leaving." I glared up at him not liking how I felt like a small child when I had to peer up at his face like that.

Happy's hands reached out and grabbed my wrists jerking me to him roughly. "You want to get fucked that bad huh?" He pulled me closer against him.

I wasn't sure whether to be turned or terrified by this. Happy never made a move like this for the past two years. I started to pull my wrists out of his hands but he tightened his grasp forcing me to press against his body. His eyes were harsh when I looked into them then his mouth was pressing on mine just as rough as he'd grabbed me. I hated how my attention starved body and mind were reacting to him. My hands grabbed for the hem of his shirts clutching two handfuls while we kissed. Happy's lips dipped down to my neck biting down on the curve hard.

"Hap…Happy what… are you doing?" I managed to get out when he ran his tongue along my jaw before giving me another hard kiss.

"You said you wanted someone to fuck you, didn't you?" Happy hissed like it was the most natural thing in the world.. The two of us making out in my kitchen.

I felt my knees start to quiver when his hands grabbed my hips, pulling my lower body against his belt buckle. It was hitting just the right spot to drive me wild. I pushed against it with a little whimper that made him smirk. This was all so familiar to me. I could remember again how those muscles felt underneath my hands on the rare occasions he'd allowed me to touch him. I could remember that his mouth nipping at my bare chest just above the neckline of my shirt felt amazing anywhere it went.

"C'mon girl." His hands dipped down on my ass lifting me up so that I'd wrap my legs around him.

I could feel him through his pants this way. Was this really about to happen? Was I about to fuck Happy? Did I want to stop? No … I didn't want to stop but I should stop. It just felt so damn good for him to push me down on my back on my bed, hovering over me. Happy pushed my hands off of him long enough to pull his shirt off. I started to rip my own off when he jerked it off for me throwing it with his on the floor. Once again, my body betrayed me and my hips pushed up trying to make him get on top of me. This would be good… so damn good…. Why was he taking so long?

Happy jerked the skirt off of me in one hard pull leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties in front of him. Suddenly I wished I'd left the shirt on. I had a decent body but it wasn't what it'd been the last time we'd done this together. He undid his belt buckle next, letting his Levis drop to the ground. He shifted when he toed off his boots pushing his boxers down at the same time. I sat up on my elbows, watching the show of him leaning down to grab the foil package from his back pocket then rolling it down his already hard, and impressive length.

I hooked my thumbs into my panties… I'd put these on for Tim not Happy, but now he was the one that got to see them, and pulled the thin lacy material down kicking them to the side. Happy pushed my legs further apart crawling in between my knees holding himself up on his palms on either side of my head. I didn't try to look up at him, make this personal. It was what it was. It was…. Holy…. My eyes rolled back into my head when he thrust into me in a smooth hard motion. I couldn't even try to muffle the loud moan I cried out.

"Oh… my…." I whined when he started to pound inside me at a fast, rough, rhythm that made me wrap my legs around his hips. I knew sex had been good with Happy, but damn.. I didn't remember it being like this. He'd been… rougher and a lot more ruthless with it back then.

Happy was straight faced and quiet, the normal sex demeanor for him. He wasn't a moaner or groaner. He didn't dirty talk. He just had sex. I slid my hands onto his back, digging my nails into his skin. He'd push them off if he had a problem with it. He left them there though, even after I knew I was drawing blood. It felt amazing to have him in me. We hadn't even been at it for long when I had my first climax. I buried my face into his shoulder gasping and bucking back against him while I came.

"Ohh… god… uhmmm…. Happy… yes… yes… oh yes." I was whimpering like I could barely speak. Which I guess I really couldn't.

He lowered himself more onto me, braced on his elbows now instead of his palms. He was pushing me deep into the mattress from his weight and the force of his strokes. Sweat was beading down both of us, he was holding back still. He wasn't being anywhere as hard or rough as I knew he could be. Why was he being so nice about it? Happy wasn't nice. Happy was…. Pulling my hair so hard my neck was turned at an odd angle. Now that was Happy.

I licked a beading of sweat rolling down his neck with the tip of my tongue. We'd been at it for a while now. His breathing was getting heavier, he was getting closer. I squeezed my muscles around him, he'd always loved that. The kegeling with him inside of me. It'd been why became one of his favorite fucks. "Fuck this…" He said stopping suddenly pulling out.

Now that was agony. I sat up quickly, confused. "Wait.. Why'd you…."

Happy nudged my thigh showing me he wanted me to get up. I started to roll over when he pushed me again, nodding at the floor. Oh geez…. I went to all fours hurriedly, anxious for this to pick up again. Happy got behind me, more in his element this time, and grabbed my hips hard enough to leave finger shaped bruises pulling me where he wanted me at. My arms were jerked up above my head at a strained angle. Then one hand clamped down on the back of my neck to keep me in place.

I took sharp breath when he reentered me. It was more of a rough thing now. I was dying to move, expand my chest out but I couldn't. He had me where he wanted me and that's where I was supposed to stay. I had a feeling it was a test of some sort. It wasn't long before my knees were burning from the carpet along with my palms. I was breathing in ragged gulps of air while he pounded at an insanely deep pace. I knew this release would be it for me… I was trying to squeeze around him to get it.

A hand clamped down on the back of my neck reminded me this was all Happy's show. He didn't like for this to end until he was ready for it to. I knew he was close. His breaths were becoming shorter, harder, and more erratic. God.. My knees hurt so bad. My back was hurting. Everything was hurting but I didn't want it to end. I was just on the edge of release… teetering on it when he let go of my neck to push that hand underneath me, pressing his palm flat against my clit. That did. I went over the edge.

"Fuck.. Yes… yesssss…. Yess…" I threw my head back in a my loud howling. "Ohmygod…."

I was riding the last waves of ecstasy when he came with three hard strokes and a low growl . I was hunched over so low by now that I had carpet burn on the top of my chest too. I started to get up but my knees were wobbly. I stayed kneeled down watching Happy get up to get rid of the condom then lean across my bed to snag my cigarettes and light one of them. He sat down on the edge of the bed, staring back at me. I didn't speak when I finally got up going to the other side of the bed to do the same.

Now this was the awkward part. Did I just get dressed and pretend it didn't happen? Go to sleep and wake up thinking we were a big happy family? Hope that it happened again and again? Would it happen again tonight? The sane part of me told me that no… it really shouldn't happen again tonight. Or maybe ever. But the 28 year old girl inside of me was screaming for more. More attention from him that I never realized I'd been dying for. For more sex that I hadn't had in months. For him to call me girl instead of the normal stiff 'Pamela'.

He snuffed out his cigarette and passed me the tray over before swinging his legs up onto the mattress. So he was sleeping in here tonight. This was a very first for us. Even when we'd fucked before I had Hailee I didn't sleep in his bed at the clubhouse. He would roll off of me and nod at the door. I hadn't actually slept in the arms of someone since… I tried to remember… oh shit.. Bad memory to have. I hadn't slept in anyone's arms since I'd slept with Kozik for crying out loud. That was over three years ago. He had been horrible to lay with. All jerky and then woke up at odd times for his fix. No… time to erase that memory.

I put my butt out and did the same as him; threw a leg up on the bed and laid back. There was space between us. Enough that we weren't touching, but could if we wanted to. Was I suppose to curl up into him? Was I suppose to turn over and face my back to him? I'd completely detested him until roughly a little over a hour ago. I was so busy thinking and worrying that it took me a minute to realize he threw an arm up as an invitation. Whoa…. He was inviting me to lay beside him.

Timidly.. I edged closer and laid down beside him. No snuggling, just skin and bodies flush to each other. It felt good. Not so much because it was Happy, but because it was someone in general. It felt warm, safe, and even comforting to know that someone's arm was underneath me. Not holding me, but still there as a reminder. It didn't take long for me to drift off into the most peaceful, rested sleep I'd had in months. It took even less time for me to open my eyes up and realize…I was alone.

He'd gotten dressed, grabbed his saddlebag and took off without saying bye, without seeing Hailee one last time… This was a dick move even for him to make. I found the brown envelope stuffed with cash on my nightstand. Sometimes it was once a month, sometimes it was twice a month. The money varied. It was always enough, but sometimes there was extra inside of it. This time he'd left extra. Must have been my tip for a job well done.


	4. Baby mama drama

**Whoa. I am so amazed at the follows/favorites I'm still getting for this. Thank you all :D its very flattering to see people are reading this and apparently liking it. **

**Thank you my reviewers last chapter, every 4 reviews I will try to post a chapter. I am writing this as I go along, unlike my Juice fic I don't have it pre written for posting ahead. **

**I do not own SOA, only Pamela and Hailee are mine. **

**In case you haven't noticed this is slightly AU. I'm not following a certain timeline, or going directly by the show. I'm just writin. **

**I have to thank Jess for pre reading this for me and helping me work a few kinks out of it. Much appreciated. **

Chapter 4 Baby Mama Drama

Happy's POV

This was Kozik's fault. He'd been the one to talk me into having those damn shots of Jack before I left that night. I knew I didn't need anymore alcohol before going over to Pam's place. But that blonde douche insisted on it. A few shots is what made me do it. I was sticking to that story. I didn't fuck Pamela because I had some hard on for her. Nope. It was the liquor.

Hell. I didn't even like her that much. She was a pain my ass and got on my nerves. All she did was bitch at me when she saw me. When would I be back? Was I coming there? Why couldn't she do this… why couldn't she do that? Blah fuckin blah. I had to be nice to her on a certain level, even had to care about her in some odd way, but no, I didn't really like her that much. Not at all. She wasn't what I wanted in a woman.

I'd been attracted to her when I saw her at the clubhouse that night. She was my type in the physical sense. Blonde hair, green eyes, tits, and on the skinny side. She wasn't one of the ones that latched on and laughed in my ear all night either. She was just there and smiling as she served drinks from behind the bar. Pam was smart too, she knew hanging out at the clubhouse was a good idea for her. She had the looks, and the demeanor that would make someone a good Old Lady.

But she'd never be an Old Lady. No one else in the place would lay a hand on her now. I'd never told them not to, but they didn't. I wasn't going to come right out and say 'Hey its fine by me if you wanna fuck my baby mama'. I didn't want her getting involved with some dickhead that would think he was moving in on my territory. That territory being Hailee. She didn't need a step dad, or another male figure in her life. She had me now. I might not have been around as much as other dads were, but I was around when I could be. Every chance I had to go down to Charming from Tacoma I made the long ass trip.

Then I put up with shackin' up with Pam while I was there so I could have the extra time with Hailee. If I stayed at the clubhouse that meant late nights of partying, sleeping in late, and only getting a few hours in the afternoon with her. So I chose to party until a certain time, then go to the house I paid for but didn't live in. That was a crock. I could still remember the mocking I got when Tig asked if I was hitting Pam while I was there. The look I gave him was enough to shut him up but I knew they were all wondering it. Nope. Wasn't fuckin Pamela until the other night.

Had I thought about it before? A few times like when she'd come in dressed in her sleep shorts and a wife beater. I was still a man, and she was still my type in the physical sense. I'd obviously been into her before, and the attraction didn't just go away because I happened to hate her at times. You could loathe someone and still get the urge to fuck them. I kept that all to myself, I didn't even give her a hint of my thoughts even when I'd catch her peeking at me in the bathroom mirror after my shower. It was still there for her too.

My phone lit up from its spot on the bar in front of me. One new message. Only one person ever messaged me. I wasn't a phone person and everyone knew that. I fought the urge to just hit delete, and opened it instead. _Hailee's birthday party is Saturday at 2. R u coming?_

If you'd told me 5 years ago I'd be invited to a kid's birthday party, I would have died from laughing. I didn't like kids. I thought they were snot faced little brats that deserved to be locked up until they were at least 19. I never planned on having any of my own. I made it through 42 years before I slipped up. One night of forgoing a rubber got me 18 years of child support and parental duty. I made it a point to have at least 4 in my pocket from then on out. That shit wasn't happening again.

As much as I had wanted Pamela to get rid of the kid when she hunted me down in the clubhouse to tell me she was pregnant, I had to respect her when she didn't do it. I had known already she wouldn't even after I threw the money at her to do it with. I didn't know her too well back then, but I could tell she was going to keep it. Was I happy she didn't do it? The answer was yes. I hadn't known I was capable of loving someone besides my mom like this. Hadn't known this could be an okay thing to happen.

I had to respect Pamela for other reasons too. She turned me away at the hospital when I went to check on the kid. Told me to go away. Well that had been fine with me. I hadn't wanted the kid, she did so why should I have to help her? She'd thought the same thing and made it on her own for a while before she couldn't do it anymore. 8 months of raising the baby alone on nothing but welfare and a few bucks from the diner. Did I feel guilty for letting it get that bad? Maybe. But it was her choice. I hadn't wanted a kid.

I glanced down at the phone again, debating on whether or not to reply to her. I chose not to reply and shoved the phone into my pocket. Dick move probably. But I wasn't nice. She knew I probably wouldn't reply even before she sent it. Pam was a lot of things but stupid wasn't one of them. The girl had street smarts. That was how she had survived for so long without me around. She knew how to get what she needed when it got tough. I'd heard rumors from the guys that she'd been stripping down at the Jellybean, did private sessions for $50, they said. I had a feeling those sessions were the type she gave us for free.

I motioned for the Prospect to bring me over another Miller and glanced up at the flat screen hanging up behind the bar. Some bullshit football game was on that had everyone else's attention. Weren't my thing. I could probably tell Lorca I was leaving for a few days and go to Charming if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I needed to decide exactly how this was going to go before I went back. I didn't know what she was expecting from me. I left her hanging dry for a reason. I knew it'd hurt her and piss her off at the same time. Then she'd hate me some more and make this all easier.

I hated her too at times. She'd trapped me. I still wondered if that had been her plan to being someone's Old Lady. Get knocked up on accident and then she had her meal ticket. I was the sucker that had to find out only I didn't want an Old Lady. I didn't need some bitch chasing after me. I wasn't a one woman type of man. I didn't want some happy family scenario. I was fine with just Hailee being my family along with my ma. I guess I could include Pam into that mix. I'd care if she killed off or something at least.

She'd been good in bed. That first time I grabbed her for a night she'd been nervous I could tell, I saw the fear in her eyes of being alone with me. She'd loosened up after a few rounds, and I was hooked on her pussy. She became my favorite 'eater when I was in Charming. She wasn't over theatrical like some of them were in bed. She was just… Pamela. She didn't try to cling afterwards, didn't try to talk to me. She'd get dressed and leave me alone. A month ago had been the first time I ever touched her after fucking her. That had been a mistake. I was blaming the liquor for that one too.

I dragged on my beer, leaning back in my bar stool. No one was talking to me, and I wasn't talking to them. It was time for me to go to bed. I had a job to do in the morning that would require special attention along with my 'tools'. I tossed the now empty bottle into the trashcan and went to my shitty dorm room. I fucking hated living here. I wanted like hell to get my own place again. Somewhere I could be alone. I was technically alone in my room, but not alone enough. I could still hear the music and doors slamming at all hours. But I lived in this shit hole to be able to take care of everyone else. Hailee, Ma, and that bitch.

She'd been so damn persistent that night about wanting to go out and get laid. Was she really that fuckin hard up for a good time? I didn't do overnight kid watching. Hell no. Hailee was sick too often for me to do that. Sure I'd take her places on my own, but not overnight. I couldn't believe she'd even asked me. That just showed me how desperate she was. Fuckin Pamela. She had on her slut outfit and everything. I was buzzed pretty damn good. When she'd told me she hadn't sex in months it had me curious. This woman used to get pounded on a nightly basis and now she was begging me to let her go out and find someone to do it.

Why let her go out when I was already there? I hadn't grabbed an 'eater before I left the clubhouse. I knew Pamela would be good, she'd go along with it if I tried anything. I could see it in her eyes she would. She was horny and desperate. So I made the move and had her screaming my name within minutes. I tried to be nice about it, gentle with her. She was my kid's mom for fucks sake. I couldn't treat like shit or a quick fuck from a slut. It wasn't enough for me, the being easy with her. I knew what she could handle from me, I knew what would push her over the edge. So I quit holding back and gave her what she'd been wanting for a while. A good hard fuck. If I did it, then I didn't have to worry about her getting all attached and shit to some bastard I'd have to get rid of like the last one.

Now I knew my good idea, wasn't a good idea. It was a shitty idea. You didn't have sex with the baby mama on a casual basis. She'd expect things from me now. Things I didn't want to give to her. Promises and picnics. I didn't do that shit. Hell, I hadn't even made the move to Charming from Tacoma just to make sure there was enough space between us. I only stayed there at her place for Hailee. And honestly it was the closest thing to a home I had anymore. Ma had given up the house and moved in with Tia Dolores so I didn't have that anymore.

Hailee was a cute kid. I couldn't deny her even without the damn DNA test we had done. She looked like me not Pam. Acted like me too. Pam did good with her, I had to admit that. She took good care of her. Even when she was flat ass broke she kept her in decent clothes and clean. I'd wondered a few times how they were doing, but I wasn't going to hunt them down. Nope, she'd find me if she wanted me around. She'd waited until she couldn't wait any longer. She was days away from losing power, and the kid was out of diapers when I got that letter in the mail. How in hell had she got the address to the clubhouse? I'd wondered that too, but I found out.

Jax told me Wendy gave it to her. She nosed around until she got it out of Gemma, and then passed it on. Sneaky bitches. He'd also told me he knew Wendy had helped her out a few times. She'd bought diapers and formula with her own money and took over to Pamela. That had pissed me off. Taking fuckin charity and pity instead of letting me in when I wanted in that day at the hospital. Waitin until shit was so bad she couldn't see a way out. But I didn't give her the money at first. Nope, I had to check things out before I did that.

I had to see Hailee first, I just had to. I needed to make sure she really was taking care of her and not after money for a fix. Hailee had been chubby and smiling when Pamela passed her over to me. I'd never held a kid in my entire life until that moment. I knew I loved that little girl the second she smiled at me. Someone so little had broke through the wall I had up. I was all in after just minutes of meeting her for the first time. I'd thrown the envelope down for Pamela, making my decision on the spot. I'd help her. I'd do whatever I could to make sure Hailee was taken care of even if that meant dealing with a woman I didn't like.

I didn't like Pamela because she had the ability to break through to me if she wanted to. If she ever made an effort, I'd crack. I didn't like the way she'd stayed so strong. Women weren't supposed to be like her. Not by club standards. I normally would have backhanded a woman that dared to snap at me the way she did. I did my share of snapping too, bitch had a mouth on her. Plus, she drove me crazy with how she did things at her house. I couldn't stand it being messy even if it wasn't really mine. Keep it clean, keep it tidy, and we'd have no problem.

I rolled onto my side hitting the lamp off. I needed to sleep this away. Tomorrow I could take my frustration out on someone I didn't have to look in face.

*******************SOA SOA SOA SOA SOA **************************

Pamela's POV

I hated it when Happy did this shit. Ignore me for days at a time just to be a dickhead. I had a birthday party to pay for in two days and would have loved for him to have made it for once in his miserable existence. But no, Happy never made it to Hailee's birthday parties. He usually showed up a week after with a present of some sort, and took her to see his mom. No party for Happy, no planning for Happy, no worries for Happy. The asshole.

It'd been a month since I heard anything out of him. A month since he left me laying in bed alone after sleeping with me. I didn't expect a complete turn around or something crazy but seriously… ignoring me? Was he 4 or 45? I glared at my reflection in the rearview mirror of my beater. I wished now I'd put on fresh make up, better clothes, done something for my appearance. I hadn't planned on Wendy calling me to tell me Jax had money for me from Happy. Bastard couldn't even send his own child support to me.

He'd only done this one other time. He'd been in jail and obviously couldn't make it to Charming himself so he'd gotten the club to pay me until he was out. That was when I realized exactly where the money was coming from that was feeding my daughter. I was using 'dirty' money to take care of us. I'd felt guilty at first, what if karma came back to bite me in the ass for using money I knew Happy got illegally? Was this his payday for a kill? For a run? Or was this just for working with the construction crew Tacoma ran as a cover up? I learned not to let it bother me after a while, I knew what he was when I met him.

I'd known what they all were. They weren't nice guys. None of them were Prince Charming. None of them were innocent creatures. They were dangerous, lethal, and conniving. Happy was called 'Killer' for a reason. Those smiley faces on his torso weren't just because he had a thing for them. They represented something. When Hailee was ten months old it'd really started to sink in, it was hitting me loud and clear about who I'd gotten myself involved with for the next 18years of my life.

I was in a crabby mood. I'd worked a double shift the day before and had to go in again so my mom had just kept Hailee overnight. I heard the roar of the Harley outside and groaned out loud. I _so _didn't want to deal with him today. He'd been back twice since seeing her for the first time, and this was marking his third trip. I made it to the door just as he banged on it. "I'm right here." I snapped opening it up.

Happy's eyes were telling me he didn't like my greeting. He pushed past me into the house. We'd only been living in it a month now, and I had to say he'd done a good job at picking the place out. "Where's she at?"

"Not here." I rolled my green eyes at him going back to the bathroom to finish my hair. Let him figure it out on his own.

"I came by yesterday too." It was more like an accusation than a statement when he said it. He'd followed me into the bathroom and was leaning in the doorway watching me.

I looked back at him in the mirror while I pulled my blonde hair up into a ponytail. "Yeah so?" I was angry with him on top my crabby mood. I'd tried getting in touch with him a few times since his last visit. Hailee had went back in the hospital overnight after a bad attack, and then I'd gotten angry over the fact that it was his money I was using to pay my bills with. I still hated that I had to have him as much as I didn't want to have him.

"So I suggest you go get my fuckin daughter and bring her home. I told you Pamela, when I'm here, I'm here with her. I couldn't even get in fuckin touch with you last night."

"So? I'm not your Old Lady. You don't need to know where I'm at, or what I'm doing." I snapped starting to whirl around to face him when he grabbed me.

I stiffened as he pushed me into the counter, towering over me. He leaned down just two inches from my face. "Don't you ever talk to me like that again. You hear me Pam?" I could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. "I don't play games girl. You tell me where she is and I'll go get her myself. I'm warning you now, you ever ignore me again when I'm trying to see my kid and this won't end too good for you."

His threat hung heavily in the air around us. "She's at my mom's. I had to work last night at the diner, and then…. My other job. It was late so I left her there." I whispered trying to pull my arms out of his strong hold.

"See? Was that so hard to tell me? Go get her. I want to see her."

"I can't. I have to go to work." I started when his eyes went to narrowed slits.

"But I don't." He snapped at me in his diesel voice. "And if your other job is where I think its at, you ain't workin there anymore."

Now I was starting to angry again instead of just plain scared of him. "That's not your business. You've made it clear, there's nothing with us. I can do what I want. Now let go of me Happy."

Happy didn't let go. He smirked at me instead, tightening his grip. "It is my business. She ain't havin a stripper whore for a mother."

"Why not? She already has a murdering ex felon for a father!" I retorted hotly. How dare he…. I was single, unattached, if I wanted to take my clothes off for cash that was my business. Not his.

"This murdering ex felon father is about to show you a taste of what he does for a living if you don't agree to go pick her up. You can go to work, just bring me Hailee."

I didn't want to agree to it. He wasn't someone I'd normally leave any child with. "You can't take care of her for 8 hours."

"Says who?" He let go of me with a push against the counter. "I told you, my way or no way."

I didn't like this. I didn't like this one bit. I didn't like the idea of leaving Happy alone in my home to baby sit my infant daughter. He'd never been around babies before. How in the hell was I supposed to be okay with this? I'd never hated him more than when I came back with the baby and he practically grabbed the carrier from me. "Do you know how to make a bottle? Change diapers?"

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Happy glanced at me already unbuckling her. "A pole to work or some shit?"

"Fuck you. You better not let anything happen to her.. I swear.." I was glaring back at him, watching uneasily as he got down on the floor to play with her.

"Or what? Whatcha gonna do Pam-Spray? You gonna stomp that foot and bitch at me?"

I'd had it with him. We'd been co-parenting for two months and it'd been a disaster. I noticed then that his saddlebag was sitting by the door. Oh no…. "Are you planning on staying or something?"

Happy shrugged shaking a toy at Hailee while she giggled at him. Her little fingers touched his ink curiously. "Maybe. Its my house right? Maybe if I stay I can see her when I'm here instead of hunting her down."

And that was how Happy staying at my house started. To be a pain in my ass.

I pushed the memory to the side of my mind when I pulled into the parking lot of the clubhouse. It was only 7 but there was already a party going on just like I thought there'd be. I really wished I'd done went home and changed now. My old battered jeans and tank top seemed dowdy and frumpy. I walked in through the double doors hoping I could find Jax and get out of here. I didn't need to be in this place any longer than I had to.

"Hey lady." A deep but familiar voice greeted from my right. Opie Winston was standing at one of the pool tables with a stick in one hand, beer in the other.

"Hey Ope." I couldn't help but smile at him. We'd went to high school together until him and Jax had both dropped out. We weren't friends exactly, but we'd all known who each other was.

"What's got you slumming it with us tonight?" He grinned back taking a drag of his beer. "Don't see you around here too much."

I walked closer, shoving my hands in my pockets. "Jax is supposed to have something for me, from Happy." I rolled my eyes at that. "You know, God forbid he speaks to me anymore than he has to."

Opie smirked but nodded his head. He knew how Happy was. "I hear that. Sounds like Donna and our kids."

"Oh is she here?" I glanced around the clubhouse. Donna hadn't ever been big on the club, I'd be surprised if she were here.

"Nope. Gone to her parents for a while. Been gone a couple months." Opie didn't sound like it bothered him too much. "Took the kids with her. Couldn't handle it anymore."

"Not every woman is like me, they can't tough it out." I joked with a wink feeling gutsy all of a sudden. "That's why crow eaters make good Old Ladies."

Opie's eyes were studying me now, curiously. "Maybe they do. Hey you want a beer?"

I paused before answering him. I really needed to get home, get Hailee and go shopping for princess themed party supplies. But one beer wouldn't hurt, would it? "Sure." I smiled up at him.

One beer turned into three. Three beers turned into shots with Kozik while we played a drinking game that involved both us forgetting the rules and laughing so much we'd fallen off of our stools. I'd forgotten how much fun I could have here. How good it felt to be with people that knew me, the real me. I was loving the hugs, the winks, and the comments I was receiving from the few that dared it. The night was winding down when Opie came back over to where he'd left me falling over onto Kozik while we laughed about the time he'd passed out on top of me mid sex from having a little too much of a fix right before.

"Pam? You good?" Opie asked pulling me back up straight again.

I looked up at him. Opie was a big guy. He was a good guy. He was good looking. And he was a single guy now. "I will be soon."

Kozik cracked up elbowing Opie. "I think that's a hint bro." He stood up downing the rest of our bottle. "I'll catch up with you later Pamcakes."

I didn't even give Kozik a backwards glance. I was too busy gawking up at Opie now. "Hey Ope… you think you can take me home?"

"Maybe. Maybe you should stay here though." Opie was closer now, so close I could smell the joint he must have been smoking when he'd disappeared.

"I can't stay here. No one's invited me." I gave him a pretend pout, moving a hand to rest on the front of his cut.

He leaned down saying huskily into my ear "That was your invitation."

I'd never had sex with Opie before now. He'd never been interested before and I knew not to even approach him if I'd thought about it. He'd been so into Donna there was no chance of a crow eater penetrating the bubble. But Donna was gone now, and Opie was laying beside me on his back panting from the act we'd just committed.

"I didn't.. step on any toes did I?" He asked as if the thought had just occurred to him exactly who I was.

"No. Happy doesn't want me like this. We don't even hug each other Ope." I sighed not wanting to remember him right now. Fuckin prick. "You're good. Well, in more than one way."

Opie grinned at me rolling onto his side. "Maybe we can comfort each other over our…. Lack of cooperation from our kids other parents."

"Maybe we can." I stared at him, sobering up a little bit. "Maybe I should go home now."

"Nah. Stay."

So I stayed. And I knew I'd regret this as soon as I sobered up enough.


	5. Birthdays and bitches

**I'm so thrilled I'm still getting such a good response to this fic! Its been fun to work on, Pamela and Happy are just so.. Ornery lol. So thanks for sticking with them!**

**Reviews-that is flooring me. Really. I appreciate all of them. Keep 'em comin :D**

**Jessica, thanks for reading this over for me to check the overall flow of it out. Ya know how I get with my writing. **

**I do not own SOA only Pam and Hailee**

Chapter 5 Birthdays and Bitches

It was party day. I'd reserved a gazebo at the local park and had been out here since 9 decorating the small space with pink streamers, table cloths, plates, napkins, and the pink birthday cake with a tiara in the center that another one of the crow eaters had made. She'd done a good job too, it looked nice and I could see why she was doing a little side business of it. Hopefully it'd taste as good as it looked. I had at least 30 people planning to show up at some point for this gig.

Hailee flew by me giggling with Wendy chasing after her playing a game of tag while we waited for everyone to get here. Wendy and Toni had been the first two arrive a few minutes earlier and I was glad for the help. My head was pounding like crazy and I'd been popping Tylenol like no tomorrow. All I could figure was that I'd picked up a bug at the diner on one of the three whole days I got to work this week. That meant another shitty message to Happy asking for pull up and prescription cash.

I'd still yet to hear anything from him. Two more days had passed since I tried to invite him to the birthday party. Two days since I decided to climb in bed with Opie and wreck whatever type of friendship we'd had when we were younger. I'd been avoiding that clubhouse like the plague ever since that little incident. My walk of shame had been just that… shameful.. I'd had to walk down the hallway and out the doors under Tig's watchful eye. I already knew without asking him, he was going to tell Happy I'd stayed overnight with someone. If it'd been Tig, it might not have been an issue. But since it was Opie, Tig would gleefully run to Happy with this.

Then I'd have to hear it. All over again. Maybe that was what had my head pounding like a sledge hammer on a cold day. I looked up to check on Hailee, Wendy had her in a swing pushing her while she talked on about the ducks at the little pond. The park was her favorite place to go to in Charming which was great since it was free and only cost me a quarter for some duck food when we came. I checked over everything one last time, good enough for me. I'd invited the kids of the women I worked with, the crow eaters with kids, Wendy, my parents, and Happy's mom even though I knew she wouldn't be able to make it. Not with Happy gone AWOL. He was her only mode of transportation.

The party went off without a hitch. I had enough toys to fill the trunk of my car up and then some. Barbies, baby dolls, Doc Mcstuffins medical center, Gymboree outfits, you name it, it was in the back of my car. I was getting ready to go when Wendy pulled up next to me in Jax's truck flagging me down. "Gemma called. Said she'd be by tomorrow with Hailee's present. She was sorry she couldn't make it."

I nodded waving bye as Wendy pulled back out. Great. Now I had to expect a visit from the Queen Bee herself. The last visit she'd made to my house hadn't been so great. No, it'd been pretty damn shitty actually. I slammed the trunk down thinking back on that. At least it couldn't be a repeat. This time there was no Happy to bail out of jail for a domestic because he'd lost his temper and the neighbors overheard it.

Gemma didn't come the next day. I'd cleaned my place just in case she did drop in on me before calling which was her style, but she didn't show. It turned out to be good that she didn't because I was starting to feel even worse with a fever, headache, stuffy nose, and body aches. I had a pile of blankets on my bed and Hailee curled up beside me. I'd moved the TV into my room so she could watch cartoons while I made her lay down with me. As bad as I felt I couldn't ask my parents to watch her for me. My mom had been pissed when I didn't come for her like I was supposed to the night I stayed at the clubhouse.

So I kept poor Hailee prisoner in bed with me for the next couple of days while I felt worse and worse. Too bad to even go out for more Nyquil when I ran out. I fed her Mac and cheese and anything else that was simple to make and I could trust her not to spill in my bed. There was no way I could stand up and cook an actual meal right now. I'd pass out from feeling so weak. It was pretty damn grotty of me but I hadn't managed to take a shower either. I didn't think I'd be able to get myself washed, dried, and redressed.

On the morning of day three of being on deathbed someone kept banging on my door. Loudly. It wasn't the loud bang of Happy's knock so I knew it wasn't him. I glanced down at Hailee's sleeping form before slowly getting out of the bed to see who it was. It was late afternoon, I realized when I walked into the living room and got a look out of the window. I heard Gemma on the other side of the door yelling to get my attention. "You gonna open up or what?" Then more knocking.

I unbolted the door to reveal the tall, dark haired woman dressed to kill on the other side. "Sorry. I was in bed." My voice was rough, and it hurt to talk.

Gemma had one hand on her hip, the other was carrying a huge light purple bag with the Disney princesses on it. "Obviously. We thought you were dead or something." She stepped past me into the house, her critical eye going over everything. There was dishes piled up, garbage overflowing, and a pile of laundry I needed to wash all for her to see. "Hap's been trying to get in touch with you. Called TM to see if someone could run out and check on you and the kid."

"Oh. I don't even know where my phone is." I hoarsely told her. I couldn't even start to think of where the phone was at right now. Maybe in the car still.

"You feelin ok darlin?" Gemma asked reaching over to feel my forehead. "You sound like shit."

"I feel like shit."

She sat the bag down on top of the table, pushing the junk mail out of the way. "Where's the baby at? She sick too?"

I shook my head trudging over to the sink to get a drink of water while I was up. "No. Just me. She's asleep."

"Want me to take her to my place for the night? Let you get some rest?" Gemma offered reminding me of a visit she'd made me three years ago to extend the olive branch of the Samcro family.

"I don't think so. Happy wouldn't like that. You know how he is." I reminded her setting my empty glass down on the counter with the other dirty dishes. "What'd he want anyways?"

"No clue Pam. He just said he'd been calling you for a while and couldn't get you. I'll get one of the boys to call him and tell him you're okay." She nodded at the hallway. "You sure you don't want me to take her?"

As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew there'd be hell to pay if I did. "Yeah, I got her. I'll feel better after some sleep."

Gemma walked back to the door, pausing when she touched the knob. "You two getting along ok now days?"

I mustered up a smirk, she hadn't forgotten that night either. "Sure. We just don't speak."

"Better than fighting in front of that baby again." She opened up the door letting herself out.

I knew it'd only be a matter of minutes before Happy tried my phone again and I was still too sick and tired to give a damn to look for it. Let him see how it felt to be ignored for a while. The last time I'd chosen to ignore him for days at a time had proved a point… in a way.

Hailee was a few days shy of being a year old when Gemma made her move. I still didn't know to this day if Happy had even known she was doing it. I didn't think he did then anyways. I was getting off of work when Gemma approached me, her signature tight smile on her face. "Got a minute hon?"

I wondered what she wanted from me. I nodded slowly. "Yeah sure, I guess I do."

Gemma motioned for me to take a seat in one of the booths with her, swinging her long legs under the table. "You know why I'm here?"

"I have an idea." I admitted picking at something sticky on the table I'd missed when I wiped it down. Jerry would be pissed if he saw it.

"You and Hap.. That going okay?" She got straight to the point. "Noticed he's around town more."

I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly at her. "As okay as it can get with us. You know how he is."

"Yeah I do know how he is. Just wanted to touch base with you, let you know if you need something, you just ask. Hap's an out of towner, but he's a favorite. You need help just let us know."

I studied her then. Was this a honest offer? No strings attached? "I'll do that, but I think I got it covered."

"You were a favorite too. The guys liked you a lot. Tell you what, why don't you bring the baby to dinner this weekend? Let her meet her pseudo uncles and aunts. We both know Hap won't get around to it no matter how crazy he is over that little girl."

That had warmed me up. So Happy was talking about Hailee with the club. He'd publicly acknowledged her to his friends, his brothers, as being his daughter. That went a long ways with me, I hadn't really thought he'd do that. I'd pictured him trying to keep it on the low. Not wanting to admit he had a kid. He'd taken Hailee to meet his mom one afternoon while I was at work but that had been different. That was his elderly, dying mom, not a club of bikers. Did I really want to get friendly with Samcro again though? Maybe…maybe someone would want me around… I still had a few shreds of hope of what hanging out with the club could get me.

I was laying in the bed sweating to death when I thought I heard the click of a key in the door. Who the hell would be coming into my place? I was getting even worse if I was hearing things now. Hailee was awake watching Bubble Guppies at the foot of the bed with Malibu Barbie in her lap. She'd been so good for me the past few days, I made a mental note to take her for pizza and the park as soon as I felt better. Hailee's eyes were glued to the TV when I shut my eyes again, trying to drift back to sleep. I felt the bed shift and Hailee yelled out "Daddy!" Ugh. Daddy. She'd picked that up from her little friends, gone were the days of 'Uncle Happy' now.

My eyes popped open again. Hailee was jumping from the edge of the bed into Happy's arms to hug his neck. He kissed her forehead lifting her up easily. "Missed you little girl. You been sick?" He asked her in his raspy voice. He didn't do soft, baby talk voices.

"No. Mama's sick." Hailee whispered to him leaning her head closer to his ear. "We have 'ta be real quiet though."

Happy stepped closer to me, leaning down to pull the blankets back from my face. "Pam, you doin ok?"

I stared up at him. He needed to shave, and he looked tired, but he looked a lot better than I felt. "I'm okay."

He shifted Hailee around in his arms, cupping her chin. "Hey kid, wanna do me a favor? Why don't you go play in your room for a little bit while I help Mama?"

She nodded giving his neck one last squeeze before he dropped her to the floor. I started to sit up when he reached over to push the blankets completely off of me. "I'm fine Happy." My voice was cracking. "Just get Hailee something will you?"

He didn't listen to me. He was lifting me out of the bed into his hold and taking me to the bathroom. "Been callin you for days."

"I don't know where the phone is." I sighed letting my eyes close again. What was he doing? I heard the water start in the shower then I felt him tugging down my pajamas. "Happy, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Don't worry. I've seen it all before." I could almost hear the smirk in his voice as he pulled my shirt over my head next. Bra was unsnapped and thrown to the floor.

"Doesn't mean you need to see it now."

I had to be dreaming. Hallucinating from being sick. There was no way that in reality Happy would actually be giving me a shower right now. He didn't even like me. Why would he care if I was greasy, grotty, and wearing three day old pajamas? It helped. I felt a teeny better after the hot shower. Almost like I could sit up for a while. I didn't have to though, Happy wrapped me up and took back to my bed while he dug around for my clothes. I watched him grab me random clothes from the drawers. "Why'd you come?"

"Gemma said you were sick. Needed someone to get the kid."

Ah Gemma. The tattletale. "I can get dressed." I took the shirt from his hands all modesty was forgone between us now. The last time he'd been in my room I'd been bent over begging him for more. Now he was playing nursemaid. What the hell was happening with my life?

"Where's your keys?" Happy asked his dark eyes falling on me. They were hard and cold. He was playing nice, but he was angry with me. I could tell. He knew what I'd done.

"Uh… in my purse." I had to think for a split second. I lifted my hips up to pull the pajama bottoms on.

He grabbed my black silver studded purse from my dresser, rummaging through it without even asking. He pulled the keys to my car out along with my phone. He threw the phone down on the bed beside me. "Plug it in. I'll be back. Takin Hailee with me."

"Where?" I asked partly grateful, partly worried about where he'd be taking her to on his own.

"To get some shit." Happy paused in the doorway with an annoyed expression. "That okay with you Pam-spray?"

I shot him a glare that I hoped looked pissy more than sickly and pathetic; and watched him leave from my room. Some knight in shining armor. He bathed me, got me dressed, and left with our kid. The kid that had just called him 'Daddy' to his face for the first time. Now I owed him one, and I hated feeling indebted to Happy. It got under my skin in a bad way for him to do something nice for me.

I was still awake and glowering when I heard them come back a couple of hours later. Hailee was telling Happy about her birthday party while he responded with 'uh huh, sounds cool kid, and awesome'. I could hear him moving around the kitchen, dishes were clinking, running water, and the sound of the can opener. I heard something that made me smile even though I'd kill him if it ever happened. "When I get big, can you give me a dragon too?" Hailee asked him in her sweet sounding voice.

"Sure thing. Maybe some flowers too."

"Mama has flowers." Hailee told him back. "On her tummy."

"Does she? That's cool. Flowers are good for chicks." Happy replied sounding like he was actually interested in talking with her. "You want me to give you a bath while we wait for our food to cook H-bug?"

Flowers are good for chicks. He hadn't thought that when he'd saw the flowers that ran from hip bone to hip bone on my body. He'd smirked and told me "Typical bitch tat" before taking off his shirt to reveal his own impressive ink covered body. I'd purposely left my lower back untouched in hopes that one day I'd get to put a big crow on that spot. Wishful thinking.

The door creaked, breaking into my thoughts. Happy was coming carrying a bowl of something in one hand, a glass in the other. "Here." He said gruffly placing it on the nightstand.

Soup. I sat up slowly wincing at the pain in my head. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me. Ain't doin this to be nice to _you_." He snapped all traces of the niceness from earlier were gone. He laid a pack of medicine down beside the glass before leaving.

Yeah, he definitely knew.

I was sick for another day and a half before I felt good enough to get up and move around. Happy was still here being a pain my ass. He didn't speak to me unless it was absolutely necessary the entire time. I got myself cleaned up enough to go into the living where he was putting Doc Mcstuffins medical center together. I sat down on the couch at the opposite end he was leaned against watching him for a while.

"You ready to have it out?" I finally asked him deciding to just bite the bullet and get it done with.

Happy didn't even move his eyes from the toy, he kept putting the stickers on it. "Have what out?"

So he was going to be difficult. I'd figured as much. "Why you're so pissed off at me. Why you left me in the middle of the night. Why you took care of me."

His loud snapping reply made me jump. "Why you fucked Opie like a whore. You back to jumpin dick to dick again?"

"What's it to you if I am?" I snapped back deciding to stand my ground for once with him. I wouldn't be pushed around this time. "I take care of Hailee, pay the bills with the money you give me, let you see her."

"You tryin to trap another Son? See if this one makes you an Old Lady?" Happy sneered form his position on the floor.

"Maybe so. Maybe that's what I want. An Old Man. Someone to take care of me because he wants to, not because I'm a burden they can't get rid of." I retorted with a fire in my voice that had nothing to do with the flu I'd had.

Happy threw his screw driver down with a look that could kill. "Wouldn't count on that shit. Ain't one of them that would want you."

I was tearing up and I had no idea why. I didn't let myself cry in front of him. Crying annoyed him and made the arguing even worse in most cases. "You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do."

"What'd you do Happy? Tell Opie off for fucking me on a one night stand? Thanks. Just what I need, you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong some more. You think I like this? I like having you here all the time? I like you chasing off any potential men in my life? Don't I deserve to be with someone? Anyone? You don't want me. You've made that clear." I took a shaky breath as I got up from the couch. "I can't be alone forever. I won't."

"And you think I want you in the clubhouse fuckin my friends?" Happy snapped, he was standing up now too with his arms crossed over his chest. "You ain't a fuckin crow eater anymore. You got a kid, act like it."

I wiped underneath my eyes brushing the tears away. "Believe it or not, a lot of parents date around Happy. Dammit, I do what I need to as a mom first but I want more. I want a family, if you can't give it to me then let someone else."

Happy's expression stayed masked, the perfect serenity of calm when he said quietly "Go lay down Pamela. You need to get away from me right now."

"Agreed." I threw him one last look before taking off down the hallway to my room. It wasn't until I slammed the door that I really broke down.

Was it that awful if I wanted to date? Find a boyfriend? An Old Man if anyone would even still have me around Samcro? I didn't exactly advertise I had a child with a Son when I met people, it turned most of them away. No one wanted to get mixed up in that. But why should I be alone? I deserved to be with someone, have someone that loved me. Wanted to come home to me. Someone that would stick around more than a few nights for Hailee. Happy, unfortunately, would always be her dad, but sometimes he just wasn't good enough. Like right now, just being here wasn't enough.

He'd asked me three years ago, was getting pregnant my way of trapping myself an Old Man? And I'd given him a honest answer. No it wasn't, because if it had been, I would have at least trapped Juice or even Bobby. They were the nice ones. I could picture myself there like it was yesterday, standing in his dorm room. I was wearing a ripped up denim mini with a bright pink tank top, too much make up, and UGGS.

The room smelled like Happy so much that it was overpowering. I could only breath in his cigarette smoke mixed with the cologne he used every now and again. He was leaning against the door with a Marlboro between his lips. "What you want Pamcakes?"

I was pacing around in a little circle, the soles of my boots were getting slick from it. "I need to tell you something."

"Spit out then. I ain't got all night. Got shit to do." Happy's eyes had narrowed down at me looking hazy through his cloud of smoke.

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out stopping mid pace. If I didn't say it now I never would. "And-"

"It happens" Happy shrugged his shoulders a smirk on his face. "Its not mine, why're you telling me this?"

I bit down on my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. "It is yours. You're the only one I…"

"I'm not the only you're fuckin 'round here. I'm not stupid so don't try to pull that card."

"But you're the only one that didn't wrap it up." I said softly knowing I was risking a slap from him. He'd been known to pop many a crow eater if they were in his space or on his nerves.

"Bullshit. Not mine." He opened the door up slipping out. "Try the next sucker."

I didn't know what I was thinking but I chased after him down the hallway, past John Teller's bike to the mainroom. "Happy wait. I'm not lying, you know that."

He whirled around with a snapping around it was so fast. "Listen bitch, it ain't my problem. You figure this out on your own."

"It is too!" I regretted shouting at him the second I did it.

Happy's hands were around my neck in a flash, squeezing just enough to let me know he meant business. Everyone in the clubhouse was watching us from a safe distance. "This your plan to trap yourself an Old Man? Get knocked up and choose one of us? Fuck you, its not happenin."

"No its not." I gasped out squirming, I was praying for someone to pull him off of me. "Happy, let me go. You know I'm not lying."

He kept one hand around my throat while he dug in his cut with the other. I tensed up not sure what he was about to pull out when he jerked his hand out. "Then here, get rid of it. I don't want a brat." He tossed a wad of cash in my face before he let me go.

I dropped to floor gasping for air in quick ragged breaths. "Hey Happy?" I wheezed out watching him stop and turn back around. "I would have at least trapped Juice. Or maybe Bobby. They're the nice ones. Fuck you."

Happy started to lunge when Kozik and Tig grabbed him, he was murderous now. "Get her the fuck out of here. Now."

And that's when Gemma suggested I leave the clubhouse for a while.

Now I was a prisoner of my room in order to avoid him after my breakdown. He'd taken Hailee to his ma's place for a while then they came back bringing me a plate of enchiladas she'd sent to make me feel better. As much as I hated Happy, I loved his mom. She was one of the kindest people I'd ever met in my entire life. She'd been warm and friendly right off the bat even with the circumstances being what they were between the two of us. She was no dummy, she knew we were at each others throats. I smiled to myself remembering her words to us that first day Happy brought me to meet her. Hailee hadn't been but 9 months old and Happy was iffy on taking her on a trip alone so I'd went with him.

"_You two have got to be good to each other. Learn to like one another. Deal with it. You have someone that depends on the two of you for everything now. She doesn't need to see the hatred. Remember without each other, you wouldn't have Hailee."_

We were still working on that.


	6. Happy and humiliation

**I just wanted to say a thanks to my guest reviewers that I can't reply back to. I appreciate the reviews you've left. I think I got back to everyone else that left me a signed in review but if I missed you, I apologize!**

**Here'a good chapter… its.. Different in a way. I know I've been udating every night but I had a sick baby on my hands last night. Needless to say, I'm exhausted today. **

**I do not own SOA only Pamela and Hailee**

Chapter 6 Happy & Humiliation

I reached into my closet pulling out the only decent black pants I had that didn't scream "crow eater" or "biker slut". They weren't very form fitting, or flattering but they'd have to do. The top was easy, I had enough decent dressy tops from when I'd worked as a receptionist a while back. Shoes were a go… everything was a go except for my mood. I knew this would happen sooner rather than later. It didn't make it any easier on either of us.

Eva Lowman had been a fighter right down to her last breath. She'd been sick for the longest time, cancer eating away at her. She'd been the ripe old age of 65 when her body couldn't take it anymore. Her sister had called my house in the wee hours of the morning trying to locate Happy, saying she'd been calling him for hours. He'd been on a run to Winnipeg and couldn't answer his phone. I'd finally gotten through to Gemma a couple of hours after trying and got her to wake Clay to see if he could get a message out to Happy. Thank god for Rane Quinn as odd as that sounded. He'd been the one to hit the road and find him.

Happy had made it there with only mere minutes to spare to see her before she died. I knew he felt like shit for not being there sooner even though he never said it. He hadn't cried, hadn't expressed any sadness at all. That wasn't Happy. He'd made the arrangements with his Tia Dolores then came to my house afterwards. I knew it had more to do with not wanting to stay in the same house she'd died in then it did with wanting to be here. My mom had already came for Hailee a hour earlier for their normal zoo trip they did every two weeks. Happy had just said a brief "Thanks" when she expressed her condolences to him.

I heard his keys rustling against the kitchen table and knew I had to hurry up. I grabbed my wallet and stuffed it into my front pocket hurrying out to the kitchen where he was slipping his cut on. "Wait, I'm going too."

His eyes showed surprise, but he nodded. "Yeah, okay." He didn't argue or tell me not to go, so I figured it must be okay with him.

I hadn't known Eva that well really, but she was Hailee's grandmother and Hailee wasn't old enough to attend. So I'd go and show our respects to the only other blood relative she'd had on her Lowman side. I reached for my own car keys. "I'll follow you over."

"Nah. We'll take the bike."

Wow. Grief did strange things to people. He'd never offered me a ride on the back of his Dyna. I hadn't even known he had a bitch seat on it. I'd never saw anyone ride behind him. I didn't argue though. I followed him out to where his 'baby' was parked beside my car. I'd only been on back of someone's bike twice in my entire life. Once was with Kozik when he'd decided on a whim we needed to make a liquor run, the second time was with Chibs when he'd given me a ride home after a party. Neither of those rides had been that great. Kozik rode the damn yellow line and I felt strange holding onto Chibs so tightly.

Happy held a helmet out to me, slipping his sunglasses on before swinging his leg over to mount it. He glanced over his shoulder while I snapped the chin strap on then stiffly got on behind him. I started to put my hands on the sides when he made a face at me and I quickly slid my arms around his middle. This was about to be a long ride.

It was only roughly 40min to get to Bakersfield from Charming, not a long drive at all. We'd hit the 18 when Kozik and Tig pulled out from the corner joining us. Of course they'd be going. They'd been frequent visitors at Eva's with Happy, stuffing their faces and visiting with the older woman that doted on them. You'd have thought she had a house full of teenage boys instead of grown men the one time I'd been there while they were there. She'd fawned over them with plates of cookies, glasses of milk, and asking how their kids were. She'd absolutely loved Hailee from the moment Happy carried her in in her car seat sleeping from the ride.

Hailee had still been a baby when Happy approached me about taking her over to his mom's place. He'd told her he had a baby and she'd flipped out wanting to see her. Wouldn't take no for an answer, brought up coming to my house to see her if that would be better, or meeting me somewhere. Happy had put her off for as long he could he'd said. So I agreed to taking the trip to Bakersfield with him. He wasn't quite up to the stage of going on road trips alone with her even if he did watch her while I was at work that night and a couple of other times.

Eva had been peeking out of the window for us to pull in, I knew she had been from the mere seconds it took for her to fling the door open. "Welcome welcome! Come in! I've been waiting all day. Happy, you took forever." She chastised him all while trying to get a peek into the carrier at her first and only grandchild.

Happy was carrying her in, taking his mom's comments with a small smile. He was more relaxed than I'd ever saw him. "I told you we'd be here at 1 Ma."

A lady that had to be his aunt was swooping in on us now. "Is this her?" She held her hands together excitedly as Happy pulled the blankets back from the sleeping little girl.

"Oh Hap, she looks just like you _mijo_." Eva exclaimed leaning down for a better look. "Why'd you wait so long to tell me about her? She's so big."

The two women clucked at each other in Spanish while Happy started unbuckling Hailee leaving me to stand awkwardly in the doorway alone. It seemed Eva suddenly remembered me and came at me with her arms opened wide. "I'm so rude. I'm Eva Lowman. This is my sister Dolores." She hugged me tightly giving my arm a pat. "I'm so glad you came mija, I was starting to think Happy had made the entire thing up."

I smiled back at her, I liked her already. She had salt and pepper hair, dark skin, and Happy's eyes. Hailee's eyes. "I'm Pamela."

"Happy's girlfriend?" Dolores asked coming to hug me next with a raised eyebrow.

I glanced at Happy now, what exactly had he told these women? I hadn't even thought to ask him. Did he tell them I was a pass around for him and his friends? A girlfriend? "Ummm…"

"We're friends Tia." Happy smirked at her holding Hailee against his chest while she still slept not even bothered about being moved around.

"You don't have babies with 'friends'" Dolores replied back with a look.

Oh geez… I hadn't been prepared for this. I'd been picturing two elderly, quiet women. Eva seemed to share her sisters opinions however and nodded in agreement. "I told him he should do the right thing, marry her. Make her an honest woman at least."

My face was starting to turn red. Happy had saved my dignity by not telling them where he'd met me or how'd I'd pregnant that was obvious. "Uhh.. Its not.. Really like that with us."

Eva was holding her hands out for her turn at Hailee, giving Happy a look. "Its my turn now. You see her all the time."

Slowly we all migrated into the sitting room so Eva could rock Hailee even though Happy protested. Rocking spoils babies he said. Like he'd know so much. Eva waited for Happy to go outside to the backyard to check on the yard work he'd paid the neighbor to do before starting in on me.

"So Pamela, how old are you? You look too young for Happy." She was very blunt I noted, and straight to the point.

"Umm.. I'm 26." I knew that sounded horrible to both of the women. Happy was nowhere near 26 and hadn't been for a very long time.

Dolores took the next question with a kind smile. "How'd you meet Happy? He doesn't tell us anything anymore."

I glanced at the backdoor, hoping he'd come back inside. No such luck. "Through some mutual friends while he was in Charming for a visit."

"So you were his girlfriend. What happened?" Eva asked with a little frown adjusting Hailee around in her arms.

I made a quick decision. Honestly was the best policy and all that bull. "We don't exactly get along so great all the time. Hap doesn't like me too much."

"I guess I should just be happy for the baby, I never thought he'd give me any grandchildren. I'd hoped he'd do it in order though. A wife, then the baby." Eva sighed her eyes going over to her sisters. "At least he did it before I got too old to enjoy her. She's beautiful Pamela."

We all murmured in agreement, talking about Hailee and random things with raising children until Happy came back inside. After only a few more minutes of being so close together, he snapped at me one good time, enough to earn him dirty looks from three women. When we left that day Eva gave us her talking to about getting along with each other for the sake of the baby. She had hope for us, she'd expressed that many times when we spoke. But.. She knew her son and knew he wasn't as hopeful.

There was a decent turnout for Eva's services. At least 30 of her friends, neighbors, old co workers, and church members showed up. I was out of place at first, did I sit with Happy? Or go to the back of the cluster of chairs that were set out? I turned to do just that when Dolores gave me a look that clearly said "Stay where you are" So I stayed still standing beside Happy while he accepted handshakes as people walked by to take their seats. Kozik and Tig had abandoned us and were sitting down in the very last row, with no one seating near them. They still had that aura of danger even just attending a funeral for an elderly woman.

Happy was still quiet, and unemotional. He'd spoken a few quiet, raspy words when we first got there and nodded when someone stopped to tell him how sorry they were, but that was it. His eyes were on the casket in front of us, nowhere else. Without thinking about it I reached over and gave his limply hanging hand a small squeeze. He glanced down at me breaking his stare for a brief moment. I couldn't tell if that meant don't touch me or thanks. I went with the thanks and moved a little closer to him. We hadn't been speaking much even before this. He'd left as soon as I felt better and that'd been that. He didn't try to bring up Opie again and neither did I. It was a closed, off limits topic that we both knew would cause both of us to explode.

After the service was over and we had to make the walk graveside I knew it was getting harder for him. He put on the image of being perfectly fine but I noticed the little things. The way his eyes turned glassy and hard. The way his posture said he was tense and ready to snap. He tucked his hands into his pockets watching as they started to pile on the dirt on top of the casket. "You want to go in?" I asked softly noticing a lot of the others were already heading back into the funeral home for the lunch the church had set up.

Happy shook his head still watching the workers shovel away. "Nope. Go ahead if you want."

That was the most he'd said to anyone since we got there. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip before slipping my arm around his waist through his own arm. If he was staying, I was staying. I didn't like Happy that much but I hated seeing him like this. He was the strongest person I knew and even he had his own breaking point. He'd been there for me a couple of weeks ago when I needed someone, and now it was my turn to return the favor and be there for him. I thought he'd shrug my arm away, move from my touch, but he lifted his arm up enough so that he had his arm thrown over my back in an awkward hug.

"You didn't have to come today, you know." He said quietly in such a stiff voice I thought I'd imagined it.

"I wanted to. I liked Eva, she was a good grandma to Hailee. Nice to me even though she didn't like… how things happened with us." I softly told him leaning into his body a little bit. This was almost too close to be to Happy.

He didn't seem to mind or maybe he didn't notice I'd gotten closer. "Yeah she was. She loved the kid."

"We should go check on the guys. Don't wanna leave Tig alone for too long in a funeral home." I joked hoping to lighten the mood some.

It worked. Happy smirked just a tiny bit before he dropped his arm that'd been over my shoulders. "Come on Pamcakes."

Pamcakes. He hadn't called me that in years. It'd started out as a cheesy nickname given to me by Tig one drunken night and I'd never been able to shake it since. Only the older ones that could remember it would say it. Happy was more likely to call me Pam Spray than Pamcakes normally. We went back into the funeral home spotting the other two guys without much trouble. They were the only ones at a table completely alone. I saw the way Kozik's eyes cut at me, not harshly but more curious.

Curious was the adjective of the day. There were a lot of curious things happening. Me riding bitch with Happy, daring to comfort him at the funeral, being called Pamcakes. The most curious thing didn't happen until way later that night. Not until long after we'd put Hailee to sleep in her decked out Barbie bed that Happy rolled his eyes at. It was a little after I showered and laid down that it happened.

I was laying in bed completely relaxed. After the funeral was over we came back and went separate ways for a few hours while Happy went to the clubhouse and I got Hailee fed, bathed, and read to. He'd made it just in time to put her to sleep while I showered which was a big help. I hadn't really expected him to even come back here tonight. I'd honestly thought he'd be drunk and drowning his sorrows in cheap rancid pussy until the wee hours. Nope, he was on my couch with his usual blanket and pillow stuffed underneath his shaved head watching cartoons. How ironic that Happy Lowman's favorite past time when he thought he was alone was to watch cartoon network.

I was drifting in and out of sleep in a haze. I needed to get up and check on Hailee again one last time. She'd been coughing a little bit again. I heard the door creak to my room, I always left it open just a crack but closed enough that I wasn't paranoid about it. I opened my eyes up slowly just in time to see Happy carefully shutting the door behind him. The lock made a quiet 'pop' when he pushed it in. I sat up a little bit watching him come closer to the bed while my heart pounded away inside of my chest. What was he doing in here? He never came into my room. And he certainly didn't lock the door if he ever had before.

Happy pulled the blankets back enough to crawl in underneath them, on top of me. His eyes bore down into mine while his hands did the work. I lifted my hips up for him to push my sleep shorts down, reaching down to push his boxers off too. I stared back at him while he touched my loose, wet, strands of hair before pushing into me. Oh god… this again. As much as I knew it shouldn't be happening I couldn't tell him to stop. No I really couldn't say stop. I gripped his back still looking up at him while he thrust in a slow, gentle pace not the hard rough strokes from last time.

For a while the only sounds in the room were my muffled moans and Happy's heavy breathing. He broke the stare to bury his face down in my wet hair sighing loudly instead of the normal roar when he came. He laid still afterwards, letting me keep my hold on his body. It felt good, really good to be holding his rock hard body against mine. I touched the back of his head tracing along the snake tat there while he laid in the stillness wrapped up together.

We stayed like that until he broke the embrace by rolling off of me kicking the sheets back. He grabbed his clothes up in the same silence, eyes going to rest on me again. I hadn't moved from the spot he left me in. I was too fazed by what had just happened to even look for my shorts right now. Happy had just had gentle, almost sweet sex with me without saying a word. Not a single kiss, touch, or caress had happened. He'd been….. Something not Happy-like. My green eyes widened up when he leaned back down to me, a hand extended. I felt his fingers graze against the side of my face for a brief moment before he backed away without saying a word.

I waited until he slipped back out of the door to sit up and panic. I'd just had sex with Happy. _Happy_. This time it was no accident either. We'd both been in our right state of minds and consenting. I'd let Happy into my bed.. Again. I felt around for my shorts while I was lost in my thoughts. Maybe it was just because he was so upset about the funeral. It didn't mean anything that he'd came in here to seek a release. It didn't mean he especially wanted sex with me, it just meant he'd wanted sex. He wasn't picky about who he had sex with to an extent. He knew I wouldn't push him away while he was hurting.

Was this all it was? Me comforting him? Or was it more? Was I starting to let my guard down with him? I couldn't actually like him. No that wasn't possible. Happy had been an asshole for too many years for me to just let it all go over two good fucks. Okay, two _really_ good fucks. Did he suddenly decide to let it all go? Well, I really hadn't done anything to him. I'd had sex with him and got pregnant. Other than that, I didn't really do anything . I'd been willing to play nice if he had, and he hadn't been.

My heart was still racing even with him gone and sleeping. I knew he was asleep because I could hear his deep, even breathing with my door open again. I didn't know if I could even go to sleep now. I was too busy acting like a teenage girl with a crush in my dark bedroom alone. I didn't even have anyone to talk to about this. I didn't talk about Happy with Toni or Wendy. They were both in too deep with the club to talk to about this situation. I knew if Happy thought I was talking about what he deemed 'personal shit' to people, he'd get pissed.

If it was becoming more than a hook up on my end, I didn't know if I'd even say anything to him about it. Rejection was one thing to deal with, rejection from Happy was way worse. He'd laugh and grin while I cried. If he didn't reject the idea of something more happening with us, it wouldn't be what I wanted it to be. So maybe I would just keep it to myself for a while, at least until I could figure out what in the hell was going on. I'd just play it cool a bit longer. Which is exactly what I did when I got up the next morning.

Happy was already awake when I went into the kitchen still in my pajamas with Hailee trailing behind me. He looked like he hadn't slept much or very well. There were circles under his eyes and his skin was sallow. He didn't have to pretend to grin when he saw Hailee making a dive for him though. He caught when she dove at him, tickling her sides while she squealed. "Let me go! Let me go!"

I couldn't help but smile at them rolling around together laughing. Hap could be a good dad when he wanted to be. I moved around the kitchen making her oatmeal or as Happy put it "a bowl of snot" for breakfast. Hailee stayed glued to Happy's side, clutching at his leg when he started getting ready to leave. It was heart breaking to see the way she was clawing at his jeans in an attempt to make sure he didn't go anywhere.

"You gotta let go H-bug. I gotta go to work." Happy stroked her messy dark hair.

"Will you come back?" She asked in such a tearful voice I frowned along with her.

Happy pushed his glasses up leaning down to her level. "I might. I don't know yet kid. I gotta go to work just like Mom does."

Hailee's little mouth turned down into a pout. This was the part I hated about Happy's sporadic visits. Hailee got attached and it confused her why he couldn't just stay longer than a night or two with her. I'd warned him she was getting old enough to realize things that were going on but he'd rolled his eyes at me.

"Pwease?"

"Maybe. I can't make any promises. But… maybe I'll come live closer real soon. You think you'd like that?" Happy asked her with a smile on his face.

Happy moving to Charming would either be really good, or really bad for me. In the three years I'd had Hailee on my own he'd been adamant about staying in Tacoma. I personally didn't know what was so great about Washington myself. It rained there almost every day and when it wasn't raining, it was snowing. I'd always thought if he was going to move he'd do it while Eva was still alive anyways.

"Yes!" Hailee hugged his leg a little tighter. "But you have to be nice to Mama."

I almost spit out my coffee. I glanced at Happy at the same time he looked over at me. I knew she'd realize sooner or later we were at each others throats most days. "Happy is nice to me."

Happy's mouth turned up into a smirk, the only sign that I hadn't been dreaming about him slipping into my bed the night before. If he wasn't mentioning it, neither was I. "I'll be nice to your mom. Promise. Now… I gotta go before my boss gets angry with me."

He peeled Hailee off of his legs and plopped her down on the couch. "Be good for Grandma alright?"

"I'm always good for Grandma."

"See you later?" I asked him quietly not looking at him anymore.

Happy was unlocking the door to take off. "Maybe. I don't know yet. Got shi- stuff to do. You workin?"

"Later tonight." I replied not feeling the need to tell him exactly where I was working at. He'd flip his shit and I knew he was already on edge even though he was being good with Hailee.

After Happy left I got Hailee ready and we went down to the park to feed the ducks for a while. It was a nice, quiet little activity we did together when I had to work late at night and probably wouldn't get to see her again until the next day. I had a long work night ahead of me but it worked out better than my shifts at the diner did. I was able to spend the entire day with her before I had to drop her off in her pajamas at my mom's.

Work tonight was going to be a big pay day, I could tell the minute I drove into the parking lot. It was packed out with cars in every available parking space. The Jellybean wasn't usually a hit but it was Saturday night. I'd only worked on Saturdays a few times since stripping wasn't my real job, but each time I had, I'd brought home a killing in tips. Tonight I was going on stage to fill in for a friend of Toni's that was sick. I figured I could use the cash, and it kept me in good standing with the owners in case I ever actually did need to come back and work here because I had to. I hadn't lowered myself to stripping in a very long long time.

Toni was already in the dressing room when I went in with my little bag of odd and ends to get ready. "Hey girl." She greeted me with a grin.

Where I was a blonde with green eyes, Toni was a raven haired blue eyed woman with dark skin. Exotic looking in a way. We'd met here 4 years ago and became good friends once I started hanging at the clubhouse with her. Toni was a crow eater for a number of years and still hadn't found herself an Old Man.

"Hey. I'm early." I hugged her back going to start layering on the make up I'd need for tonight. "Do you know who's up before me?"

"Me." She laughed doing a little twirl in her silver sequined stripper outfit. "Good turnout too. Maybe we'll make bank tonight."

"I hope so. So what's wrong with Anna?" I asked wondering why the normal stripper had called out on short notice.

Toni launched into the story about Anna having a car accident and having to wear a neck brace, which she "totally _can not _wear on stage" , having air bag burns on her face, and them not being to find anyone else to call in. I'd been their lucky last resort. I waited on the wings of the stage while Toni did her thing, silently going over my own moves. My biggest fear had always been busting my ass in front of the crowd. Nothing would be worse than wrapping your legs around that pole just to slide right off of it and land with a thud on the wooden stage.

"And now we have our lovely Miss Lady Lace!" The DJ announced me over the speakers getting cheers and applause.

Lady Lace ughh I hated that name but Donnie had chosen it for me because I had on a lacey little get up that barely covered anything. I almost didn't have to strip for anyone to see what they wanted to. I worked out on the stage doing my little 'sexy' walk that Tonia had taught me while the music started up. I always liked stripping to the harder stuff, metal versus the normal rap music the other girls played. At least with the metal I had some dignity left when I grabbed my clothes back up.

I started working the pole in slow motion, building up to wrapping myself around it. It wasn't until I did the little cat crawl across the stage that I almost froze and panicked. Five very familiar faces were sitting at a table front row and center to the stage. One of them was giving me a look that told me he'd kill me for this later.

Kozik whistled holding up a bill, beckoning me closer to them. "C'mere baby, I got something for ya." He called out grinning while Happy stayed stone faced and angry.

Tig waved me closer too, along with a grinning Juice, all of them waving money at me. "Hey you give dances after the show?"

I knew I couldn't just ignore them. Donnie was watching me from a few feet away. He had no clue I knew these idiots. At least Jax and Chibs had the decency to just smirk and not tell me to "Shake that ass for more" when I did get over to them. I was topless but I still had my g-string on, so when I was picking up the bills they tossed down, Kozik motioned for me to turn around. Oh god… this was horrible. I was never stripping again. Ever. I knew my face was flaming when I felt Kozik's fingers pushing the money into the side.

"Hey how much for the birthday boy a lap dance?" Tig asked again clapping Juice on the back. "Maybe you could-"

He was cut off when Happy smacked him in the back of the head with a scowl on his face. I saw Donnie coming closer as my music winded back down. Donnie was a short, fat, bald man that was an ass to work for most nights. He walked up behind the guys while I finished grabbing my money from the other customers. Not a bad haul despite the humiliation I'd just suffered. Sure with the exception of Jax, they'd all saw me naked before, but that was before. Now I had a nosy ex whatever in the hell he was glaring at me. I was about to make it off of the stage when Donnie motioned me back over to them.

"Yeah?" I asked trying to swallow the nervous lump down out of my throat.

"Go get ready for a private show, for this one. On the house." Donnie clapped Juice on the back before walking off.

Juice looked like he was going to enjoy this as much as I was. Awkward and embarrassed was how to describe both of us when I came back out to redressed in a new outfit to lead Juice away for his complimentary dance. Happy was staring daggers down at me when I reached over to touch Juice's shoulder to show him to follow after me. The other three guys were howling with laughter. I knew this wasn't about them especially wanting me to dance for Juice, it was about getting under Happy's skin in a way he'd never admit to.

I led Juice to the private booth in silence. He spoke once we were alone "Umm… you don't… have to do this you know."

"I'm getting paid to do this." I sighed pushing him down to go about my business. "Donnie will flip if I don't."

"I didn't ask for it. He offered it…" Juice's eyes were on my body but he kept glancing away like he was doing something wrong.

"Juice…. Lets just get this over ok?"

"They only did it to mess with Hap." He had his hands clenched into two fists while I did my thing, I knew it was doing more for him than he was about to let me know. I could feel it.

I was never stripping again. Nope. Maybe Happy had been onto something when he said stripping wasn't something a mother should do. I did have one or two things to be happy about tonight. I made a pile of cash and I could be grinding against Tig instead of Juice. Yep… the night could be way worse off than it was.

Or maybe it was worse off than I realized… I just wouldn't find out until the next day.

**Next chapter we go into more actual club stuff instead of them just chilling at home….. Time for the good stuff :D **


	7. Time to put all the cards on the table

**Thank you again guest reviewers for leaving me a line or two. I'm so glad all of you are enjoying this fic. It getting to the good stuff now, the little 'hangers and whatnot. **

**I do not own SOA only Pam and Hailee. **

**Jessica1018 gets credit for this chapter, as it was her plot ideas that I wrote off of. She had a good brainstorm last night while we enjoyed our Chinese food lol. **

**Just as a plug, I do have a Juice fic going on as well if anyone's interested. The writing style is different and not as… mature but it's a decent fic for a first timer if I say so myself. **

**Also found a kickass Happy fic by Bad Company :D **

Chapter 7 Time to show all your cards

"I'm not going." I flatly told Happy with my arms crossed over my chest.

Happy looked aggravated, we'd been arguing for over 15 minutes in the wee hours of the morning. It wasn't even completely daylight outside it was so early. "You're going. Go get your shit packed and lets go."

"I can't go on lockdown just 'cause you said so. I have to work at 10, and I can't call in or I'll get fired." I argued back standing my ground with him.

He'd shown up after two days of his usual disappearing act, demanding I pack myself and Hailee a suitcase and go to the clubhouse with him. Some shit had went down with someone yahoos and now I was supposed to uproot my life because these guys liked to play cowboys and Indians. Well, it wasn't happening. Not this time. I had a life of my own to go on about as normal and that didn't include sleeping in the clubhouse for three days while he ran around town or god knows where.

"You're going. You can either pack your shit or I'll pack it for you."

I rolled my eyes at his threat. I knew he wouldn't pack anything up. He was Happy and that would require too much of an effort. "Why do we have to go anyways? I'm not your Old Lady."

"No but that's my kid in there asleep, and you're her mom. Shit like this makes me rethink the name change." He ran a hand over his bald head, shifting his feet around. "You got ten minutes Pam."

The name change had bothered me from the start. At 9 months old Hailee McInnis became Hailee Lowman. Which now made her traceable to anyone looking into Happy. The fact that I was starting to get mail here for him told me he'd changed his address too. Guess that move to Charming had happened. I glowered at him one last time before going to my room to drag a duffel bag out from my closet. I had no idea how much stuff I needed to pack. Two days? Three days? Would I get to leave for work at all?

Speaking of work…. He was keeping oddly quiet about seeing me strip two nights ago. I'd expected an explosion, a sarcastic remark, something. Anything but his silence on the matter. I stuffed my things into the bag after I got dressed, being sure to take my sweet time getting things ready to go. Hailee was the hardest to pack for. I had to get toys, clothes, medicine, her favorite blanket, and of course she couldn't leave without her books. My biggest worries were what her impressionable eyes might see at the clubhouse. And the cigarette smoke. We were both careful with smoking around her.

Happy came out of Hailee's room just as I slipped my shoes on, carrying her in his arms. "Let's go."

"Sure…boss." I snapped at him not liking being woken up and ordered around. That old hate for Happy was starting to come back out. Why had I even been thinking I could have feelings for him?

I knew why. Because of the way he carried Hailee through the clubhouse under the eyes of his brothers and their families without any shame at all of having a child with a crow eater. His back stayed straight and he just nodded to the curious eyes of the brothers from out of town in their Washington cuts. Something big must have happened for them to call Tacoma in for help. I followed him down the hallway, realizing where he was taking us to. "Happy… where are we going?"

"To the room."

Cold dread filled my body when it started to sink in when he unlocked the door with a key from his cut. I had to stay in this room….with him. It looked clean enough, everything was picked up but it smelled like he'd smoked an entire carton of cigarettes in here since he moved to Charming over the two days I hadn't saw him. I glanced at the bed wondering if this would be a bad time to ask but I had to before he put my daughter in those sheets.

"Are the sheets good?"

Happy's eyes cut at me, nodding. He didn't give any more information on if they were freshly washed or if he'd been in them alone. I knew him well enough to know he'd had sex since the last we'd had sex. It was second nature to breathing for him. I watched him pull the blankets back, sliding our still sleeping daughter into them.

"She's been sick." I told him going to flip the ceiling fan to help air it out in here. "I don't know if bringing her was a good idea. The smoke."

Happy picked our bag up from the door where I'd dropped it and set it on top of the wide dresser. "You can unpack if you want. You're going to be here a couple nights."

"I have to work" I reminded him going to peek in at the small bathroom to see if I needed to clean it up too. It looked alright. Had he had someone come in while he was out and clean before I got here? The only sign he'd even used it himself was the razor sitting by the sink.

"Not goin. I'll deal with Jerry. Or do I need to call Donnie down at the 'bean?" He was using a tone that told me he was itching for a fight with me now that he had me here and I couldn't leave.

"Jerry and you know it. I didn't know you were going to the strip club that night." I snapped back crossing my arms over my chest.

He crossed his arms too, leaning against the dresser. "I didn't know you were showing your tits for cash."

"Might as well get paid for it."

"Guess you're right. Hope you had fun up there showing your ass to my friends." He threw back at me. So that's what the problem was. Not so much I stripped… but the fact that the guys were there when I did it.

I smirked up at him, knowing I was about to piss him off. "I hate to tell you this Hap, but its nothing they haven't already saw before. You think you're the only one I fucked around here?"

Pissed off was an understatement to what I got back from him. He grabbed me by the shoulders pushing me into the hallway, kicking the door shut so Hailee wouldn't see what he was doing if she woke up. Unfortunately, everyone else could see.

"Shut the fuck about that shit. I swear to god Pamela, if you fucked-" His hands were tight on my body but they loosened when he saw Gemma approaching him.

She nodded at the door behind us, a hand on her hip. "Maybe you two should save it for later kids."

Happy wouldn't snap at Gemma. He knew better than that, she was the Queen and if he was being reprimanded by her, he'd go along with it out of respect. I shrugged out of his hold throwing him a dirty look and Gemma an appreciative smile. "I'm going back to bed."

He watched me slip back into the room, and that was where I stayed until later on when Hailee woke up. She thought staying in "Daddy's room" was the greatest thing since cotton candy. She was too little to realize we were here because we were in danger. I kept her shut up in the room for as long as possible. I wasn't sure who was still here and who wasn't. The last thing I wanted her to see were scantily clad 'eaters. It was one thing to do it when she wasn't around, another thing for her to see it with her own two eyes.

I kept her inside the room watching Happy's TV until Gemma knocked on the door. "Hey baby, you hungry?" she asked Hailee.

Hailee nodded already crawling down the side of the bed to scurry over to Gemma. She'd grown up calling her "Aunt Gemma" for lack of a better word for her. She wasn't old enough to understand the structure of this odd little extension of Happy's family. Gemma took her small hand in hers, pausing in the doorway. "He's gone doll, its safe to come out of hiding."

I smirked pushing myself off of the bed to follow them out. "I'm not scared of Happy Gemma."

"I know you aren't. I think that's the problem." She gave me one of her signature cool eyed looks. "He's not used to someone actually snapping at him."

"I've noticed that over the years." I followed her to the cluster of tables where the other women were at. Wendy was there sitting with Toni, Monica, and a girl that apparently had gotten close to Kozik, named Carla.

I got Hailee situated with a sandwich, chips, and juice box in the corner with the few other children that were running around the place. It always amazed me how many of the guys actually did have children and ex wives. None of them were currently married except for Jax, Clay, and technically Chibs if you could count that as being married. I sat down with the other girls, noticing I was the only one not plastered with make up today and still wearing 'easy clothes'.

"Its packed. I think we might go back home tonight, we're close enough." Wendy was saying to Gemma.

"Suit yourself. I have to stay over with Clay, play up this hostess role." She smirked picking at her own sandwich.

Toni twirled her empty soda can around in circles. "Wish I were that lucky. It must be that if they brought us in too."

Wendy winked over the table at her. "Aw honey, you know you girls were brought in just for the entertainment."

Toni and Monica both laughed along with her, I just rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood to hear about them whoring around with the club. Not with the kids milling around the place. Toni's eyes fell on me, a grin staying on her pretty face. "Speaking of entertainment… you did good the other night."

"Oh.. Thanks. I was a little out of practice." I smiled back at her taking a sip of my Coke.

"You should have stuck around, things got wild afterwards. The guys all requested dances except Juice. Guess 'cause he already had his." Toni laughed some more. "You never told me Happy was so good in bed either. He went back to my place when I got off."

My blood ran cold in my veins. Happy had went back to Toni's. Happy had fucked Toni. Toni fucked Happy. "I'm sorry… I think I misheard you."

Toni smirked at her, enjoying this clearly. "Happy, he came back over to the house for a while. God… he went for hours. It was amazing."

I stood up so fast I knocked the chair over I'd been sitting in. "You stay away from him." I hissed getting looks of surprise from all sides of myself.

"He's not yours honey." Toni stood up, hands on her bony little hips.

"Why would you… you stupid bitch!" I grabbed for her, yanking hard on those fake extensions hoping they'd rip out.

We rolled to the floor with Gemma yelling for us to break it up. "Leave him alone." I snapped at Toni seeing a chance for a good punch to her cheek.

She cried out, trying to scramble away from me. I grabbed for her again this time scratching down her cheeks with my nails. I'd never been into the whole chick fight thing, I was more of a puncher but dammit I'd take any hits I could right now. I was jealous, hurt, and pissed off. What type of friend fucked your baby daddy like that? What type of man fucked your best friend? I felt arms lifting me away and gave her one last kick into the side.

"Let me go!" I struggled against whoever had a grip on me. Rat. I could knock him over if I tried, but I didn't.

Monica and Wendy were bent over Toni checking out the damage. She hadn't done anything to me. She was weak. How she'd managed to stick around this long was now a mystery when I saw she couldn't even defend herself. Gemma was smiling at me in an odd way. Like she was proud of me for attacking a woman in clear view of the club kids.

I'd saw women on Happy before, it'd never bothered me. I'd saw his hands groping at their boobs, grabbing between their legs, letting them kiss on his neck. It had never caused me to react like this. Whether I wanted to admit it to myself, or anyone else for that matter, I wasn't thinking of Happy as 'Happy the asshole' anymore. I was thinking more along the lines of "Happy… _Mine_"

I grabbed Hailee up along with her half eaten food shooting Toni one last look before pulling my daughter down the hallway to the room we were staying in. We wouldn't come out again until the guys were back. I was still pissed and I didn't trust myself to stay in the same room as Toni without jumping on her again. I put cartoons on thanking whoever had the foresight to have cable in the rooms, and paced around the floor. My thoughts were running wild inside my head.

The idea of Happy really having sex with my now ex best friend was burned into my brain. I knew how it'd gone down without even being there for it. He'd went back to her place, shoved her to her knees made her give him head, then told her to bend over. He would have done her from the back, roughly. He would've told her to shut up when she tried to moan or say things to him. Would have told her not to touch him after. He wasn't a cuddler.

I was still amped up late that night when the guys got back. I'd picked a few more details on what had went down. They were having a major clean up of a crew called 'The Locos' that were drug dealers and pipelining meth into Charming. The little punks had threatened to go to their houses and go after their families for each one of their own guys they lost. I absolutely hated knowing I was in that mess along with Hailee. It was terrifying to know someone that wanted to harm me knew where I lived, where I worked, all because they'd followed Happy there.

I was sitting on top of a picnic table out front smoking with Rat lurking in the shadows when the bikes blew by, going back into their straight row. I'd never really thought much about just how strong even the weaker guys had to be to handle one of those things. They were heavy. Happy was one of the last to dismount, I had to say even in the dark.. He looked good tonight. He looked younger with the baggy hoodie underneath his cut the same way Juice wore his, baggy jeans, and boots. He waited until the others walked past me into the clubhouse to nod at Rat to go inside with them.

"Heard you got in a fight." He smirked going to sit down beside me taking out his own smokes.

"Maybe. don't think it's a fight by your standards." I offered him my lighter, turning sideways to get a better look at him.

I waited for him to take his first drag before saying quietly. "I think we should talk about what we haven't been talking about."

There was a good chance he'd just shrug and not say anything. There was an even smaller chance he'd say "Yeah guess we should." Like he did, then he continued. "I thought we had an understandin' on the strippin' and shit."

"We did. But Donnie needed someone to fill in last minute for Anna. She had an accident and they were short handed. I was just trying to help." I squashed my butt out blowing the last puff of smoke out while I spoke to him. "I guess I don't see why its such a big deal to you if I'm up there naked. You don't have a claim on me Hap. Not really."

He nodded solemnly, like he was thinking things over still. "You fucked Ope."

"You fucked Toni."

Happy's eyes moved to mine in an instant. "Figured that was why you flipped your shit on her."

"If you knew I'd get pissed.. Why'd you do it?" I had to ask him, I wasn't even sure how we were both able to stay so calm to have this talk.

"Same reason you stripped and gave Juice a lap dance probably." Happy shrugged flicking his ashes to the side. "No one to tell me not to. No claim on me."

No claim on me. It was his way of saying 'I'll do whatever the hell I feel like it, and fuck you if you don't like it'. That didn't mean I had to like it or go along with it. "We can't be fuck friends." I blurted out knowing that was one more thing we'd been avoiding talking about with each other. "The other night… and before that… I don't even know what that was."

"Sex."

"Thank you Captain Obvious, I'm pretty sure I know what sex is. I have a 3 year old in your bed right now." I said so sarcastically I surprised myself. "I mean… I don't know Hap. Shit."

"Shit is right." He agreed stretching his legs out to the bottom of the bench.

"Can I at least ask why?" I asked curiously, I was wondering if it had been comfort sex, or just a get off.

Happy stood up in one swift move, shoving his hands into the pockets of his cut. Those terrifying eyes were on mine again, a look I couldn't read in them. "Maybe I was making my move. Before you pissed me off. Or maybe I just wanted to get off. "

He turned and started walking for the clubhouse, stopping after just a few feet. "C'mon, its time to go back in. Ain't leavin you out here alone even you are a pain in my ass."

We really weren't any further with what was going on now than we were before we had the talk. He hadn't given much to work with and then cut the conversation off. I followed in after him with a frown on my face. 'Maybe I was making my move' was ringing through my ears. Had that been his way of iniateing something between us beyond our previous hook up and I fucked it up by letting him see me stripping? I'd have to wait to ask him now we already going through the doors. The clubhouse was packed to the brim with people making pallets to sleep on in every available space. I knew a few of the girls had taken over one room, the guys that had rooms had extras tucked in, but the ones with kids only had their families inside.

I knew without even asking him where he was planning on sleeping at when he went down the hallway. Hailee was still asleep in the darkened room with the bathroom light on so she wouldn't spook if she woke while I'd been out smoking. I was already in pajamas, I didn't think much about changing just to walk through the clubhouse full of people to get a cigarette in. I was past that point of caring if they all saw me without make up or in something dowdy. The only person I was starting to care about seeing me had already saw me look like a swamp creature.

I was already laying down beside Hailee when Happy came back out of the bathroom in pajamas he rarely wore. He almost always fell asleep in his jeans on my couch. Sometimes he was lucky enough to take his cut off before he passed out along with his boots. He paused before lifting up the blankets giving me a nudge in the small of my back with his hand. "Move over."

I scooted closer to Hailee, wishing suddenly he had a bigger bed, but really he didn't need one most of time. It was always just him in here regardless of his hook ups. Happy slid in beside me, we were body to body that's how tight of a fit it was. His skin felt warm, almost feverish pressed against my back. In a way I could imagine how cute this would be if the father wasn't covered head to toe in tattoos, a family all curled up together for the night.

I smiled a little to myself when I felt his arms hug around me, pulling me closer against him. Who knew Happy Lowman liked having a warm body to hold on to? I snuggled in against him with a little sigh, enjoying it. I could get used to having sweet nice Happy behind closed doors. He'd shown himself in small peeks over the past couple of months, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. And it didn't even make me want me gnaw my own arm off to admit it. I was falling for him. Or maybe I'd fallen for him a really long time ago and didn't realize it.

Sleep came easy wrapped up with Happy.. A deep sleep that I was jerked from by Happy shoving me to the floor with a crying Hailee. What the hell was that sound? Happy was on top of us while his hands grabbed for a Glock 9 he kept in his nightstand. Gunfire. It was gunfire reigning down on the clubhouse.


	8. Gotta secret, can you keep it?

**Hey all, I'm so sorry its taken me so long to update this fic. I came down with the flu on Friday and I'm just now feeling up to updating both of my fics now. **

**This chapter has a different feel to it than the others, kind of like the last one did. It seems a tad rushed to me, but I could be wrong and still just have what I call 'sickly writers brain' that makes me question everything I write. **

**Jessica1018 thank you so much for your help with this chapter and telling me it was good when I sent it over to you for your help like I always do. **

**I do not own SOA only my Ocs **

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites. Hope you enjoy catching up with Pamela and Happy. **

Chapter 8 Gotta a secret, can you keep it?

Happy was off of us the instant the gunfire ceased to a halt. Hailee was crying her eyes out and I had to admit, I was shaken up too. Never in all of the time I'd spent with Samcro had the clubhouse been attacked like this. I wrapped Hailee into a tight hug, stroking her hair gently. "Shhh…. Its okay."

Happy bent down beside us, his eyes worried. "She okay?"

"Physically, yes. Mentally… no." I said softly rocking her back and forth. "What the hell was that Hap?"

"I'm goin' to find out now." He opened the bedroom up slowly listening for signs of what was going on in the main room before stepping out.

I squeezed Hailee to me one more time before letting her go. "Hey… its okay sweetie. Daddy wouldn't let anything to us."

She nodded, her dark eyes were still brimming with tears. "I'm scared."

"I know you are, but I promise.. Daddy won't let anyone hurt you. Let's get you off of this floor ok?"

She let me pick her up and put her back on top of the bed that we'd all been sleeping together so comfortably on before the chaos had broken out. The small window on the opposite side of the wall was shot out, glass all over the floor. Whoever had attacked, meant business. I wondered if I should go out into the main room to check on everyone else or stay put with Hailee. Both seemed risky plans until I knew what was happening around us. Things went from comfy and cozy to shit in a matter of seconds.

Happy came back into the room, still shirtless, with the Glock tucked into the waistband of his jeans. "Everyone's aight. I gotta take care of stuff." He glanced at Hailee who was still sniffling. "Rat, Juice, and the couple Tacoma guys are staying back."

Take care of stuff. I knew without asking what that was. That was code for he was going to retaliate on whoever did this. I dropped the pieces of glass into the trash can beside his bed. "Be careful. We'll be okay here. Won't we Hayze?"

Hailee nodded, her wild dark curls bobbing up and down with the motion. "I want Daddy."

Happy faltered in his rush to get ready to head out. He gathered the little girl into his arms for a hug. "I gotta go to work kid. My friends will be here with you though. Be good for Mom too ok?"

She didn't want to let go of him. It took him a minute but he pried those fingers off of his body and pushed her into my arms instead. I looked up at him as he made his way to the door. "Will you be back?"

"Maybe." His tone didn't give anything away but his eyes did. He was going into 'Killer Mode' and I knew he was pissed his daughters life had been put in the crossfire of club shit. "Take care of her."

I felt like I was supposed to say or do something. What it was, I didn't know. Happy seemed to know though and leaned down to give me a brush of his lips across mine before backing out of the room without another word. Maybe it made me happier than it should have, maybe I was excited over nothing, or maybe it was all something. Maybe this was it, Happy actually was starting to have some emotions inside that cold, dark, empty heart of his.

I thought on that the entire day while I helped the other clean up the mess that'd been left behind the gunfire. Retaliation from The Locos, just like I figured. I heard the other whispering about it when they thought the rest of us couldn't hear them. Since I wasn't an Old Lady, I wasn't privy to info. I had to rely on what I could hear around and piece together myself. Even Wendy wouldn't say anything if she knew. Which I doubted she knew much anyways, she was entirely too relaxed and she was stone cold sober.

All of the kids were shaken up by the gunfire. Hailee stayed right underneath me even when we were eating, she had to sit in my lap. Toni was keeping a wide distance from me but I could see the ugly purple bruise on her cheek standing out even from my place at the table with Wendy on one side, Gemma on the other of me.

"Did anything at the garage get messed up?" I asked Gemma scraping my plastic fork along the plate of spaghetti we'd all banded together to make.

"Not sure yet. Figured I'd look at it later, after we get this place sorted." She gave Hailee a kind smile. "Hap said she was real upset."

I held my bread out to Hailee to see if she wanted it, she shook her head no burying her face into my body. "She was. Not used to that kind of a wake up call even if Happy does stay at our place."

Wendy smirked fiddling with one of the chunky bracelets on her wrist. "So I'm guessing Hap didn't sleep on the floor last night, did he?"

I had no idea I was capable of blushing still after all of the debauchery I'd witnessed in this place but I felt the burn rising to my cheeks. "No, why would he? He has a bed. I'm the guest here, not him."

They both laughed softly but Gemma was the one that asked the next question. "He movin in with you then?"

"Doubt it. Its not like that…." _Not yet _I wanted to say. Did I want Happy to move in with me? He stayed overnight sure, but living there would be different. He wouldn't be on the couch anymore or coming and going at his odd visiting days. What was I thinking… we hadn't even talked about what was going on with us. All he'd said was 'Maybe I was making my move' not that he _had_ made his move. Or that he wanted me in a relationship. He didn't do relationships, not that I knew of anyways.

What did I really know about this tattooed biker? I knew the obvious things of course. He was named the Tacoma Killer for a reason, he was the club hit man and enforcer. Happy had a sick sense of fun I knew that too. He didn't like to talk much. He didn't like messy. He didn't like emotions. He loved his daughter. He loved and lived for his club. He'd served time for a few different things. Larsen. Domestic disturbance. Breaking and entering. Federal weapons charges. But what else was there to know about him?

He liked cartoons, black coffee, blondes with boobs, rough kinky sex, metal and grunge music. That was about it. I had no clue if he'd ever been married before which I doubted he had been. He didn't seem like the type, then again neither did Kozik and he had two ex wives.

I would definitely be talking to him again about whatever this was… whatever I was starting to feel inside of me. I hated putting myself out there to be torn down, that wasn't my style, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and get it over with.

Happy's POV

Nothing was a stress quite as good as making slow, circular slits on someone's stomach with the tip of your knife while they screamed for mercy. I had no mercy. It wasn't mine to give anyways. This was more than just my inner sick fiend making me do this, this was a club call. Clay said make 'em talk, so I was makin em' talk. And probably enjoying it more than the two brothers were with me.

We were at one of their cook sites now, hidden away in the woods so far back no one could hear him scream. I'd thought to bring gloves with me but everything else was getting blood on it. I didn't really care. Blood was nothing new to me in this kind of gig. Blood meant I was getting the job done right.

"You ready to talk?" I asked the skinny, methed out man with the skinned head.

In reply he spit out a mouthful of blood at me. "Wrong answer." I hissed grabbing the pliers from the table.

When he realized what my intentions was, he really flipped. I loved it. I loved the power, the ability to make someone act like that. His eyes were wide, his head shaking back and forth frantically. "No no no no! I'll talk!"

I paused with the pliers just inches away from his face. "You sure? I haven't had this much fun in a couple of months man."

I motioned for Jax and Clay to come closer now that our 'friend' here was ready to cooperate. Clay's eyes pierced the man. "Where's your boss at?"

"In… In.. Lodi." he gasped out. "He's the one that told us to do it… told us… since you guys moved your families into one space it'd be easy."

"It weren't so easy, was it?" Jax smirked at the man picking up another one of my tools, turning it over in his hands.

No it hadn't been easy for them. We hadn't told anyone but we'd left the other guys there because Tig had shot down one of their guys on their getaway out of the gates. We had him tied to the lift and gagged until we decided if we needed him or not. He'd told us where to find this site, and from the looks of it, he was giving good info. Now we just had to find the main place…burn it down.. And maybe a few of their guys with it. Easy as pie as long as these two idiots would tell us what we wanted to know. I didn't mind making them talk either, I was beyond pissed that someone had dared to attack the clubhouse where my kid was at. She was an innocent. _My _innocent. No one would hurt her.

That was a big change, having innocents of my own to protect. In Tacoma it was just me. Now that I'd been voted into Charming I had to get used to remembering I had not one… but two innocents to consider now. Regardless of how I felt about Pam, she was Hailee's mom and I couldn't just say "Fuck you, figure out how to protect yourself" if I felt like it. Did I feel like it? Sometimes. Sometimes not… It just depended on my mood and time of the day.

"Leave the body here. This way his friends will find him if we don't get to them first." Clay ordered me. "Lets head back to TM to finish up business with the next one."

I nodded raising the gun and finishing off the job without feeling any remorse at all about it. That's why I was so good at this. I didn't have too much of a conscious when it came to things. I wiped my knife off the mans shirt before slipping it back into the sheath hanging from my belt loops. Time to start on another one. The others were burning down the other sites we'd found out about now, maybe by tonight we'd be clear to go the fuck home.

The ride back gave me a little time to think about things other than the club. It was late in the evening, the sun was starting to go down. Dusk, my favorite time of the day to think. When I was working, I was working. When I wasn't… I could think some about whatever the fuck. Like that shit from last night. Pam had pummeled her slutty ass best friend over me, asked me what was going on with us. Fuck I didn't even what the fuck was going on with us, how in the hell should I be able to tell her what it was?

I knew I was starting to think of her as more than just Hailee's mom, someone in my life by a default. Rage had pumped through my body when I saw her on that stage stripping down to nothing. I'd needed revenge of some sort, Toni was there for the taking so I figured why not? She pissed me off, I'd piss her off. I really had no concrete reason to be pissed over it, she wasn't mine. Not really. She was just a woman I had a kid with that I'd been fucking every now and then. But she wasn't.

I didn't like to admit I had feelings. Feelings made you weak. That was what kept me from caring while I worked over the man we had tied up in the garage. I hadn't even went inside to tell Hailee I was back. Work was first.

Jax leaned against the closed bay door smoking while he watched me work again. He seemed to have an interest in what I was doing even if he wouldn't admit it. "I'm goin in for a few. Want me to tell Pam you're back?"

"Yeah. Tell her I'll be in after while. I'm gonna see if I can get a little more out of Jose here before I finish him off." I smirked up at the bloodied, limp body in front of me.

"Alright bro. I'll send Koz out to help you with this." He flicked his butt to the ground before leaving out of the side door to the office. "He likes that sick shit almost as much as you do."

Course Kozik did… I was the one that taught him how to get what he wanted out of someone. I ran the blunt side of the knife I was holding up and down the man's throat while he twitched, waiting for me to make the move. I wasn't quite ready for that yet. I wanted to ask him a few more questions even though the others had finished off the boss of The Locos while I worked over the first guy. His intel had held up to be true, now I wanted to make sure that was all of them.

I heard the side door screech back open to the office, Kozik coming in to help me get rid of the poor bastard no doubt. We worked him over for a good hour or so before I told Kozik to bring the van around while I finished him off. I was satisfied with what he'd told me. We'd gotten to all of them. I gagged Jose again while I slid the knife across the base of his throat. He didn't deserve a quick and easy death. Fucker had shot up my clubhouse.

I was watching him bleed out with I heard the door slam shut and looked up. "Keys are hanging by the door." I said turning around annoyed that this blonde douche bag was taking this long. I was hungry and wanted a shower. I wouldn't even mind eating, showering, then watching cartoons back at Pam's with Hailee.

Kozik wasn't the one in the doorway. It was Pamela. Her hands covered her mouth in horror as she stared at the now dead Mexican in front of me. Her body was starting to tremble with the shock. I started towards her but as soon as I did she stepped back, tripping over her own feet in her scramble to get away from me. "Pam, chill out…. Okay?"

"You… you just…" She shook her head so hard her blonde hair whipped around. "Happy…"

"I didn't do shit. And you didn't see shit, you hear me?" I took one big step grabbing a hold of her arms. "Pamela?" I had to make sure she wasn't going to say shit to anyone about what she'd just seen.

Pamela's green eyes were huge with fright. She wasn't looking at me all doe eyed and hopeful anymore. "Let go of me…"she whispered but she wasn't struggling against me.

The bay door started to lift up, Kozik had finally came with the van. Asshole. I glanced over at my shoulder knowing I had to get this under wraps before anyone else knew she'd saw it go down. I pushed her into the office roughly. "Listen to me, you say anything to anyone…"

"And I'm next?"

I wasn't going to say that…. But if that's what it kept to keep her quiet I'd roll with that. "Maybe. Hey… calm down ok? It happens. People die every day.."

She nodded some of the fright was gone but she was still shaking. "I just wanted to.. Tell you dinner was ready."

That seemed surreal considering what she'd saw happen. I knew I had to play this just right, I didn't mind jail time, but I wanted to avoid it. The last thing I needed was Pam getting a guilty conscious and ratting me out. "Good. Fix me a plate, and then we'll go to your place okay?" I pulled her to me, hugging her smaller frame against mine.

It might have been partly due to me wanting to fuck her again, maybe more than that, or it could have been my way of making sure she stayed close and quiet. But I gave her a hard kiss on the mouth next. "We good?" I asked slowly knowing Kozik would come looking for me soon.

It took her a moment but she nodded slowly. "Yes."

"You gonna say anything to anyone?"

"No."

I cupped her chin in my hand tilting her head up to look me in the eyes. I gave her a hard look, knowing she'd catch the full meaning. "You sure about that?"

"I won't. I swear. I should go back inside. I left Hailee with Juice in front of the TV." Pamela pulled away from me.

I watched her scurry to the other door, I knew she was still scared. Worried I might do something to her. I had no intention of hurting Pamela in anyway or form anymore. I was going to play the nice guy for a change. I could do that. And keeping her quiet was just a bonus.

Pamela's POV

Holy shit.. Happy had killed someone hanging from the lifting in the garage. I'd saw him slit the guys throat and watch him bleed out. Knowing Happy killed people was one thing, actually seeing it happen was a completely different thing. Sure I'd saw a lot of violence around here, but I'd never saw anyone die. And I'd never saw Happy like that.

So cold, emotionless, then he'd saw me and he looked nervous. Like a kid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I was shocked, surprised,…scared. I couldn't lose it over this. Not if I really wanted to try to get him to settle with me. I would have to keep quiet and keep his secrets. I could do that. I could keep his murdering streak to myself. If I flipped out over this, then that would be it. I wouldn't be Old Lady material for sure and this was my only chance at that. I'd handled everything else about the club in stride, I'd get over this.

I fixed his plate with hands that were starting to smooth back out again, the shaking had stopped once I gave myself the little pep talk. I had no idea how we were going to get back home. My car had been shot up during the attack this morning. Gemma said they'd see if their TM insurance would cover it, and if it didn't, they'd make it right with me somehow. My old rust bucket hadn't been much, but it'd ran and been mine. Now I'd have to see if someone would drive me and Hailee home in the van or the tow truck.

Wendy reached over patting the back of my hand across the counter where she was getting Jax's food. "Hey.. You okay over there?"

I looked up, snapping myself out of my thoughts. "What? Oh yeah.. I'm good. Just.. Thinking."

"I bet you are. Ready to go home huh?" She winked at me while she grabbed a plastic fork from the pile. "Toni already left as soon as they told everyone it was clear."

"Thank god for that." I muttered making her laugh on our way through the glass doors back out into the main room.

Hailee was watching Harry and the Henderson's to my amusement on the sofa between Juice and Tig with plates in their laps, completely engrossed in the same movie as the 3 year old little girl between them. For such a freak, and well for Tig, he was sweet with kids. I was observing him chopping up the lasagna into bite sized pieces when I felt hands on my back. The hair on the back of my neck stood up when I heard Happy saying "This mine?"

This was it. Act normal now or it was over before it even started. I had to show him I could be cool with this. I smiled while I turned around to face him. "Yeah, I know you don't like the tomatoes so I picked the big pieces out for you."

He nodded sliding down into the seat I was standing beside from my leaned up position at the wall. "Thanks."

Happy had changed at some point, he wasn't wearing the blood soaked shirt was earlier and he'd washed up. He ate in silence with hurried bites like he was starving. I looked at Hailee one more time before going to grab him a beer from behind the bar. _Just play it cool, you got this. You wanted to be in on everything_ I coached myself silently. I knew in some sick sense, seeing how brutal he really could be was turning me onto him even more. Happy could protect me, protect Hailee. Literally do anything to prevent harm coming to us.

But maybe I was reading more into his actions than there was. Or maybe I wasn't. I was ready to get out of here when he asked "You want me to get the truck and get you guys home?"

"Please." I eagerly replied already going to get our bag from his room. My bed was calling my name. I'd had enough club life to last me a few months.

Hailee was back to normal, chattering Happy's ear off on the ride over to our place. She clung to him once we were inside, keeping her arms around his middle tightly. "You stay with me? Pwease?"

Happy paused, his eyes going to me before answering her. "I think I can do that kid. But only if you promise to go check on your toys while me and mom talk a bit okay?"

She kissed his cheek before finally letting go, taking her excitedly to her room. Happy staying the night was cause for celebration for her. She was getting used to seeing him everyday even though he'd only been moved down for 5 days now. I plopped down on the other end of the couch, already changed into pajamas for the night. I waited for him to say something but after a few silent minutes, I realized he was waiting for me to start the talk again.

"I'm not going to say anything." I started to say when he stopped me with a shake of his head.

"I know. C'mere."

C'mere. Like it was an order. Maybe it was another test, see if I could do what he told me to. I crawled over the couch cushion to him, tentatively resting my body on his. "What is this? What's going on with us Happy?"

He sighed, it wasn't an annoyed sigh, more like a 'I hate talking about feelings' sigh. "I don't know yet."

I didn't like that. I needed some grounding on what he was thinking. "Well what are you thinking? I think you know where I stand."

"You're not a fuck friend." He assured me, remembering my words from last night. Last night seemed so long ago instead of 24 hours. "But you're not an Old Lady either."

I swallowed hard, going over his words before saying "Maybe… just see where this goes? Stop ragging on each other for a change?"

"That works."

Of course he'd go back to short answers when we were having a serious conversation. "So.. I'm like… your girlfriend? Not just the baby mama?"

"Guess so. No more fuckin strippin either. Or showin your ass in public in any way." His voice was gruff but it made me smirk. This man had no worries about committing murder yet was worried and jealous over me stripping for crowds.

"I think I can agree to that one. No more fuckin Toni." I threw back at him.

"No more dating around. You're with me, and me only. Not an Old Lady though, you remember that."

"Trust me… you've made that clear." I rolled my eyes trying not to snap at him two minutes into our new truce.

Happy's eyes closed, his breathing was getting more and more relaxed. "We'll talk more… later."

Talking more later seemed to be the normal part of a relationship with Happy.


	9. Loved you longer

**Hey all… I am so sorry it took me so long to update this again. I still am not feeling too great and don't expect that I will for some time. It took me quite a few days to finish this off, I do want to explain why its so short. Pam and Happy were meant to be a one shot, I didn't draft it out to be a full story like I should have. So I am at the point of being out of ideas, however if anything strikes me I will definitely write a chapter and post it. But for now… its complete. **

**I do not own SOA only Pam and Hailee are mine. **

I loved moments like this. The moments when Happy wasn't just the club 'Killah' and he was mine. Every inch of this man was mine right now, wrapped up in a tangle of sweaty limbs in the middle of our bedroom floor. It was perfect. The moonlight creeping in through the window we hadn't even put curtains in yet, the crickets chirping in the background, and my head on his tattooed chest.

"If I woulda known this is what I got for movin in with you I mighta done it months ago." Happy whispered in his diesel voice into my ear.

I smiled, still basking in the 'happiness' of everything. It'd taken a year of 'dating' but he'd finally moved in with me. Shackin up, co-inhabitation, whatever you wanted to call it… he was all mine now. Not that he hadn't been before. As much as he emphasized he lived at the clubhouse we both knew he spent more nights in my bed than his. Happy had insisted on taking it slow though… dinosaur slow.

"I like the new place. Good way to start off living together." I traced the outline of the snake on his stomach with my index finger lightly.

I'd been informed by my landlord when I told him Happy was moving in, that Happy couldn't move in. Apparently convicted felons weren't allowed to stay in any type of public housing. So Happy had tracked down a simple 3 bedroom rental house. It wasn't big, it wasn't fancy… but it was great for us. I could have moved into a shack with him and still been happy about it. I'd been over the mood when he finally agreed to it. Sure we still had our moments of snappy words and name calling, but it was different.

Happy kissed the side of my face keeping me in his tight hold. "Yeah. Fresh start."

A fresh start had been our phrase for the past year. Ever since we'd started seeing each other that was what we'd told each other. We were starting off new, on the right foot this time. Something had changed between us after Eva's funeral. It had been a good change. We were slowly starting to become a family with just the three of us and occasionally Tia Dolores included. Happy still had a soft spot for his aging aunt even after his mom's passing. Now when I looked into those inky black eyes I didn't see hatred, not at all. I saw love…..

I love you, those three little words had only been getting uttered for a few months now. I knew now that I'd always loved Happy in some form even before I liked him. He'd been the first to say it, while we were watching a movie with Hailee one late Sunday night after pizza. I'd thought I was dreaming at first then I knew I'd heard him right when he nuzzled his face into my hair. I'd been thinking it for a couple of weeks. I was too chicken to make the first move.

Almost better than hearing those words come from that stony faced man was becoming his Old Lady. His real Old Lady, not a girlfriend or a baby mama. A true Old Lady. But first came the relationship junk.

"Dating" Happy if that's what you want to call it, wasn't like dating a normal man. He didn't take me places, he didn't have 'movie night', or do romantic things. Nope, the closest thing to date night I had with Happy was when his Tia Dolores would take Hailee for the night and I'd go to the clubhouse for a party with him. Occasionally he'd make us dinner, but that was it.

I didn't really mind it. I knew already not to expect the norm from him. I was every bit the doting Old Lady at every opportunity. Did I complain over scrubbing blood stains from his clothes? Nope. Did I mind him randomly showing up at my place at 2am? Nope. Did I enjoy the sexual benefits of being with him? Hell yes. The sex made it all worth it at the end of the night. It was second only to curling up beside him while he stroked my hair then pretended not to.

The rules of being Happy's Old Lady were simple enough, and amusing. No stripping unless it was for him, no 'slutty ass' clothes, no hanging out at the clubhouse without him, never lie to him, and of course…. Remember who you're loyal to. It'd taken a full six months of proving that I wanted more than a meal ticket, but it finally happened. I closed my eyes letting the memory replay through my mind.

We were laying in bed together watching a movie while he worked on something in one of his sketch books. His hands moved silently across the page while his eyes flickered to the TV occasionally but he was focused on what he was drawing. I was dozing in and out when he finally spoke in a low, gravel sounding tone. "This okay?"

He held the sketchbook out for me to take a look at. What he'd drawn was beautiful. A crow that would intertwine with the flower vines I already had that would start on my ribcage from the looks of it.

"I love it." I touched the paper lightly before giving him a bright smile that he returned for a brief moment before catching himself.

Happy laid the book down on the nightstand on his side of the bed flipping the lamp off. "Tomorrow work for you?"

I almost laughed. Tomorrow. Tonight. Two months ago. "Yep. I think I can fit you in. Maybe."

"Maybe huh?" His hands grabbed me, jerking me against him. Happy had turned out to be a snuggler.

"Probably."

Probably was a definitely the next afternoon after my parents stopped by for Hailee. My dad was still leery of Happy even after all the years had passed by, but he was polite to the scary looking biker whenever they crossed paths. My mom was happy as hell that we'd finally stopped being at each others throats. I think everyone was happy we'd stopped fighting. Even Hailee had noticed it and constantly reminded us that now she had a 'momma _and_ a daddy' just like Patty up the street did.

"You okay?" He asked pausing the tattoo gun to peer over at my face.

Was I okay? I was so happy the pain was practically non existent. "I'm perfect. Keep going." I urged him.

I was laying on my side across the table while he worked, he'd been at it for a while now. Happy was gentle, I liked watching his face while he was in this zone. He was so careful, so tedious with every move he made. Happy really did have a gift when it came to drawing out his own designs.

It was beautiful, he'd added in his own touches to the typical crow and I knew without a doubt I'd have the best looking tat out of all of us. The humming of the gun was comforting, it helped fill in the silence. He'd talked some at first but then once he was really into his work, he'd went silent concentrating so hard I could see the muscle twitch in his cheek every so often.

I used the time on my side to observe him in other ways too. I liked looking at the tanned skin to memorize the scars, the tattoos, the stories that were behind all of his markings. I liked seeing the hint of gray that was mixed in with the stubble on his chin. I knew he hated any reminder of graying, but I actually found it sexy on him. He was an attractive man. Hot. And he was all mine.

"Keep it covered until I tell you to let it breath aight?" Happy was grabbing the ointment to rub down my ribs along with the bandage. "You like it?"

"I love it." I said gleefully getting a good look at the finished product. "Its perfect."

"You had a good artist." He smirked taping the bandage down so I couldn't gawk at my ink anymore.

I rolled my eyes at his boasting before sitting up slowly. "I don't know… I'm kinda wary of tattoo artist that work out of a traveling case and tattoo you in your own kitchen."

"Don't forget to tip." He shook his finger at me with a grin that went all the way into his eyes, showing me he was every bit as happy as I was right now.

That grin. I loved it. "I might be able to come up with a few ones. I don't know though… the guy I stripped for last night didn't give me much cash for the show he got."

Happy's hands went to my hips pulling me closer as he stood up stretching his body out from being seated for so long. "I accept some trades." His raspy voice whispered softly into my ear through my hair.

"Oh yeah? Maybe we can work something out." I whispered back giving my blonde hair a little shake.

His mouth covered mine in the blink of an eye, Happy's kisses had even changed. They were still rough, hard, and to the point but now… there was something else behind them. His lips were probably the softest part of his body, and they were working their magic on their pathway down my neck where he stopped to bite down on the curve. My hands pushed up at the thin white wife beater he was wearing. "I love you." I whispered.

"Love you." He whispered back so quietly if I wasn't paying so close of attention I might have missed it.

I yawned sleepily coming back from my trip down memory lane to look up at him in the dim glare of the TV. "You sleepy?"

Happy shrugged, he never said if he was actually tired. I knew he had his good days and his bad days just like anyone did. For someone his age he could still outlast me even at 29 to his 46. It was embarrassing to admit he had more energy than I did. "Not really. What's on your mind?"

To answer him I kissed along his collarbone over the words that were inked there. I got the reaction I'd been hoping for when I felt his hands grabbing at my ass, squeezing while I sucked and bit on his neck in intervals that would drive him crazy. After a year I knew his body, I knew what to do to really get to him. He loved when I ran my nails along his spine like I was doing now.

And he knew all he had to do to make me turn to putty was press his hips against mine so I could feel the hardness. It was delicious, the feel of what I could do to him on me like that. Knowing that I held that power over him, sure he'd had sex with lots of women, hundreds even… but he didn't do this with them. He didn't have foreplay, or let them touch him, kiss him, love him the way I did. Only I had that privilege. I was the only one that got the soft caresses like he was giving my hips before pushing my sweats down enough to slide his fingers between the wetness there.

"Somethin been on your mind?" Happy smirked rubbing up and down before circling my clit with his thumb.

"All the time." I whispered back knowing his little game already. He liked to be asked for it. Begged. Pleaded with.

He pressed down making me whimper a little. "What's been on your mind then?" He tried again licking across my bottom lip.

I shut my eyes sighing with pleasure when he started rubbing in a clockwise motion. "You. Sweaty. Hot. Shirtless while you unpacked. Naked and on top of me."

"What am I doing on top of you? Hmmm?"

"You're fucking me." I dug my nails into his back starting to feel the little shudders of a release coming on. This man was magic with his hands.

Happy stopped abruptly making my eyes fly open. "I can do that… but only if you want."

"Please."

Please was all he had to hear before my sweats were jerked completely down and he freed himself from his boxers to dive into me in a hard rough motion. The feel of happy inside of me was something I'd never get sick of. It felt amazing. Perfect.

I dug my heels into his sides lifting my legs up higher over his hips to give him a deeper angle while he thrust. I rolled my hips trying to keep up with him. His heavy breathing was the only sign he was just as into it as I was. He wasn't a moaner even now that all of the walls were down. I was, I was letting a series of whimpers, whines, and cries escape from my mouth. "Happy… yes… yes… yes.."

Sweat beaded down both of our bodies making it all the better. I dared to lick his neck where it was trailing down, the saltiness burned my tongue. He hissed a little bit, showing me he liked it. I bit down on his shoulder as a brace when I felt the first waves of pleasure start to rock through my body. It never took long for the first one to hit me. I could taste the iron of blood where I'd broken his skin but if he noticed; he didn't care.

I let my legs fall a little bit to push into his ass cheeks to urge him on while we both panted and rocked against each other. He was close… I could tell from the roughness that was starting to take over. The thrusts that pushed me into the damp mattress. "Harder…" I sighed letting my eyes close again.

Harder. Faster. It didn't last long enough for me even after I bit down on his shoulder a second time when he spilled into me with his own release. I kept my legs around him, keeping him on top of me while we caught our breath. His right hand was gripping my hair tightly when his dark eyes looked into mine.

"Love you."

"Loved you longer."

Had I loved Happy longer than he loved me? That question always brought me back to the clubhouse. It always went to how it all began. With me a lonely croweater looking for someone to love, someone to have as my own and the dark, angry Tacoma Killer refusing to let anyone in. At least until fate happened to him. Fate being the dark haired little girl that made him realize maybe loving me wasn't so bad after all. And maybe he was a better man for admitting it.

Maybe a part of me had always loved Happy for giving her life, for showing up at the hospital that day. Maybe when I told him to go away it was because it scared me to know he might actually give a damn. Not because I really didn't want or need his help. No, I'd needed Happy a lot longer than I'd ever realized. Just like he'd needed me.


End file.
